A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I turned down an opportunity to be with a guy who was committed and a good person. The main reason I walked away because of his height. He is 5 ft. I am the same height and petite. All I can think about is the life we could have had together. But he has a new gf now. My life seems to be falling apart and I dont have anyone special in my life. I feel like I'm being punished for being such a shallow person.
View related questions:
petite Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2012): Height is NOT an indicator of "Good Genes" or "Healthy Development". This is what society tells you. It is a function of Society/Culture, not biology.I am 6'1 which is fairly tall. My little brother is 5'7. We're both in our 20s. He had the better diet, better upbringing, was more athletic and is far more intelligent. I just got lucky with the "right genes". I see how women treat me like a god and him like rubbish and it gets me mad. You are attracted to what you are attracted to, but height as a prerequisite is no different than me saying "I only want a C cup or better" or saying "big butts or bust". Weight is not a fair comparison because you can control weight (no matter how hard it is).The height thing is overplayed in western media. There are tons of successful short guys who get marginalized for something they have no control over. That said, I'm glad I'm tall.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2012): Science says male height is usually correlated with healthy genes plus healthy development during childhood which implies a good immune system, etc. There's also a psychological connection between height and dominance, but some of the nuts and bolts of that are actually related to "height perception".
As far as attraction, it's all one big package that includes appearance, height, emotional feelings, resemblance to your father, and even smell.
Which isn't particularly fair to shorter men, but it's how the human brain/body works.
Here's the crux of the matter: If you weren't attracted to him or attracted to him enough that his height wasn't an issue, the only thing that would have held you into the relationship is mental and emotional discipline. Which is actually a really crappy thing to base a relationship on, especially when you live in mixed company and risk running into someone you might actually desire.
I think you probably did the right thing. However, what you should take into consideration in the future is what your gut feeling is about someone's attractiveness. If it says you're attracted and you find yourself arguing out of it, ask yourself if your reasons are actually valid. If you find yourself NOT attracted and arguing your way into a relationship, that also needs some real thought.
Good luck though.
...............................
A
male
reader, Odds  +, writes (6 February 2012):
 It's not shallow. Shallow would be dating someone you're not attracted to because you feel like you "should," or because you'd rather date anyone than be single. You owe it to whoever you're with to be with them because you are attracted to them, not because you're trying to fit some standard.
By all means, give them a shot. You might not initially be attracted to a short guy, but after ten minutes of hearing him talk, you may change your mind. But if you're not attracted after he's had his fair shot, that's just life.
...............................
A
female
reader, peacelovecandy +, writes (5 February 2012):
 My boyfriend is 5'1" and I'm 5'. I care about him a lot, but I find his height unattractive. I can't wear high heels to prom or else I'll feel like an awkward monster next to him, and other guys always diss him for being so short. Don't feel bad about it! If you don't like it, you don't like it. Good luck!
...............................
A
female
reader, Shadow Rose +, writes (5 February 2012):
 That's not shallow, it's just a physical characteristic that you dont find as appealing. I honestly would be the same way, I would have turned down a guy the same height or shorter than me, because it wouldn't feel right. Like with my boyfriend, he's a good 5 inches or so taller than me, and when we hug, it's a perfect fit.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (5 February 2012):
 Actually it's pretty primal and basic to want a tall, strong & handsome mate. So don't feel bad about that.
Now, the guy you are with, dump him.
Who knows maybe next time you meet a guy who isn't 6ft :) you will know that it takes more then height to be an awesome mate/partner.
Stop beating yourself up, maybe the 5ft guy wasn't meant for you anyways.
Leave the past in the fast and look forward to the future, all that *what if* or * I should have, Could have* isn't going to make you happy. Mistakes are made, that is how we learn.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your kind words and taking the time to reply. I have truly learned from this and pray everyday that ill be forgiven and i will be happy one day.
I've been dating a guy who is "tall" and good looking but there is no emotional connection. It's driven home how things like height mean nothing in the end.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2012): it's not shallow to want a taller guy. I have no attraction to guys who are overweight no matter how nice their personality may be I can only ever see them in a non-sexual way which means I can only ever be good friends with them. maybe it's the same for you with short guys. there's nothing you can do about it, so just accept that for you, height is a criteria. EVERYONE has their own criteria that if they were to admit it out loud would make them seem shallow.
...............................
A
female
reader, uroboros  +, writes (5 February 2012):
if he was really "the one" for you, his height wouldn't put you off.
there's not much you can do right now, just go on with your life and i'm sure there's a special person for you somewhere.
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (5 February 2012):
 Oscar Wilde said " it is only shallow people who does not judge by appearances ".
This is a witticism, but it contains a core of truth.
We are made of body, mind and spirit, and the right person is someone who resonates with us at ALL these levels. In a relationship, feeling physical attraction is as important as feeling emotional/intellectual compatibility.
Our bodies have wisdom and tells us important things if we want to listen. I think that if this guy had really been the absolutely right one for you, you'd have felt it somehow, and his lack of height would not have turned you off or bothered you.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2012): There is nothing you can do about it now so just try to forgive yourself and move on. I'm not sure how long you were together or how much your relationship progressed but maybe he wasn't really that great anyway?
I'm not sure how I feel about the height situation, I don't think you're shallow for wanting someone taller, many people have a certain type they're attracted to and there is no point being with someone who you don't love in every way.
Good luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (5 February 2012):
 You know, I had "tall" as a prerequisite too. Funny how I got married to a guy exactly as tall as I am who I don't really wear heels around. And this guy is the absolute love of my life now. I no longer care about height, because in my eyes, my husband is larger than life, and he's the best man who ever lived.
Instead of feeling "punished". learn from how you feel now. maybe it's time to revise what's important to you. Or, maybe you'll meet someone taller after all.
You walked away because of his height, and you now regret it. Best way to handle it now is to work on that which kept you from him. Part of me thinks that his height wasn't all it was. A lot of times, people afraid of commitment or intimacy will get focused on something insignificant and use it to push away the object of their affection and fear.
Don't be shallow. Move forward, reflect on how this went down, and live life!
...............................
|
