A
female
age
36-40,
*rmyofme
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years and we have shared a brilliant and adventurous sex life. I have a very high sex drive and he has always been able to keep up until recently he is turning me down more and more. I initiate the sex I'd say 4 times out of 5. I am still very physically affectionate otherwise, kissing and touching him and generally eyeing him up a lot, but where he was once responsive he now tends to turn away from it and call me a pervert. I suspect he is only half joking.What I'm wondering is if my being the most dedicated pursuer of sex is actually negating his sex drive by taking the game out of it. I often hear guys say that they would like to be in a relationship where they have a very willing partner... but is it really that simple? Is it important for a guy to feel like he's on the chase? Without it, could it just feel too easy? For the guys: How would you feel about having a girlfriend with a higher sex drive than your own?
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kissing, sex drive, sex life Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Odds  +, writes (6 February 2012):
 Olderthandirt's got it right.
I've yet to meet the girl with a sex drive I can't keep up with, but anything could happen. Wouldn't want to speculate on how I'd react (what we think we'd do is all too often different from what we actually do), so I can't answer that question, but I can give the rest a shot.
First, don't turn him down when he initiates. You want to encourage that behavior, not end it, and it will only lead him to arguing that you're being stingy to spite him.
Instead of initiating all the time, try enticing *him* to initiate instead. The chase matters, but not how some people think - it's about the process, not about the uncertain outcome. Foreplay starts in the morning. So, casually get dressed in front of him, and put on some frilly underwear or do something nice with your hair. The key is casual - tease him, but be seemingly innocent about it. Instead of hugging and kissing him in the evening, bump into him as you walk by, give him your best naughty smile, and walk on as if nothing happened. Before he leaves for school or work in the morning, give him a good five- or ten-second kiss and squeeze his ass, then smile and let him go without pushing further. Call him at lunch and ask him to buy whipped cream on the way home. I'm sure you can get creative.
The point is, you signal availability with varying degrees of subtlety and "innocence" during the day, but leave the ball in his court to actually follow up on it. Instead of pouncing on him and expecting him to be immediately turned on, reverse that - turn him on and wait for him to pounce. Entice and seduce him.
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (5 February 2012):
 I absolutely agree with Uncle olderthandirt
*It's my view that there is no such thing as too much money, chocolate or sex.*
In your case, you might want to pull back a little and let him be the one to take initiative. Focus on hanging out, talking, going to a movie.
However I do think there is nothing wrong in having a high sex drive!
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (5 February 2012):
 It's my view that there is no such thing as too much money, chocolate or sex.
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A
male
reader, gundam007 +, writes (5 February 2012):
Funny, I was just reading some questions about this same scenario with the sex roles reversed. It's ultimately your relationship, and you are both going to have to talk about it, but calling you a pervert? That sounds like a red flag. I hope he's not cheating, but do some internet searching for what to be on guard for. Hopefully, you can get away with a conversation about your sexual interests. Tell him straight out what you want, and ask him what he thinks. It'll be a compromise but it shouldn't be one-sided. If you two can't reach a fair compromise, then you should seek counseling. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2012): Maybe you have become too available to him, there is no more thrill or challenge because he knows he can have you any time he wants. Try backing off for a while, even turn him down next time he initiates sex.
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (5 February 2012):
 As for myself, I've never had a problem with a highly sexual girlfriend or wife. It was a blessing. My philosophy has always been that, once a couple get beyond the initial sex acceptance in a relationship, then everything is good. Few women have ever had more sex drive, in my case, as I was always willing, but will admit that their initiation was ok and frequent.
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