A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:for starters this will be long, so please bear with me...ok, i met my ex on the internet in july '07, we spoke so much to the point that i asked if he wanted to meet up, so we met up mid aug '07, a few days later started going out, it grew more and more and we loved each other so much. things were going well, then a couple days before he took my virginity he started getting really hacked off with the smallest of things, i found this strange, but i loved him so i tried to ignore it, but then after a few months those things became me, and he would get hacked off if i had to ask him to repeat himself on the phone, or i accidentally ignored him(the reason behind this was because i cannot concentrate or more than oen thing at once, and i have told him this), it went on like this for a few months then sometime in spring '09 i went out with some mates clubbing, and there was this lad that we all were friends with and i pecked him on the lips a few times that night, and then snogged another friend who drove me home, which my ex found out about by a text i left on my phone to the guy i snogged saying "hehe we were kissing last night! hope u r having a gd day :)" but he just asked me for the truth which i told him and then he seemed to be ok with it. then a few months later the guy i snogged needed some help cleaning his old family home because they moved out, so i offered to help and i was paid for it, but we snogged some more and even touched each other a bit(over clothes, not under) and my ex doesnt know about this. then things went on as they were and i went away last october, but a few weeks before this my ex got back in touch with an old school friend and they got so friendly that they texted each other dirty things, not pictures, just text and when i found out i wasnt very happy, they also met up 2 or 3 times and i never heard from him the whole time he was out, but i forgave him because i loved him. i went on my holiday, and my friend introduced me to a boy mate of hers, and we got more and more friendly to the point he wud put his arm round me when we were sat on the sofa watching tv, and we made out a few times, and i used to keep nagging my friend to take me over to his place. then the last night i was there we all had a bit too much to drink, and him and my friend had sex, then we had sex about an hour later(the drink made me see it as revenge for my ex doing whatever he did with his old school friend) and me and the guy i had sex with slept in his bed together while my friend slept on the sofa in front of the tv. about 2 weeks later my ex found out because he was told via mail via both my friend and the guy i had sex with on facebook and he left immediately. the guy i had sex with says my friend hacked into his facebook and did it from both accounts, but my friend says the guy i had sex with did it all, i didnt know who to believe so i just focussed on trying to apologise to and get back with my ex, but he came back a few days later and proposed to me! i was over the moon and we were happy through christmas, then near easter he broke up with me again and his reasons were that he just doesnt love me anymore, because i hadnt told my parents we were engaged(i have had a very bad upbringing and cannot talk to my parents about those sorts of things) and that i had changed and was driving him away, so i fought with all my might for him, got him back in time for easter, spent easter together but then he split with me AGAIN saying that he just cant do it anymore, and we have been split ever since, and i decided i couldnt be dealing with that anymore and decided to try and move on. my ex never liked me talking to the guy i had sex with while i was on holiday(for obvious reasons!) but i decided to try and message him the evening of the day me and my ex broke up and ever since we have been going from strength to strength and we are going out with each other now, i am going to visit him next month and he wants to come to see me for my birthday in a couple months' time. but heres the situation, my ex has decided to throw a spanner in the works and has told me he wants me back! he keeps apologising for all the bad things he has done and even said about the cheating incident i had while i was away "everyone makes mistakes". we have flirted a bit via text because he doesnt know i am going out with the guy i cheated on him with, but i have told him we seem to get along well. he sent me a massive email declaring his undying love for me and that he will do all the stuff he never did that i wanted him to do, he also said "i will do anything for you from quitting smoking to moving up there to be with you. you name it, i will do it" so i told him i still feel i need a bit more time without communication because it just serves at influence, and i have some personal matters to sort out that i dont want to drag him down with, so we are not talking now because i asked him for more time and i will contact him when i am ready. he was saying to me "i know you still love me, even if it is only a tiny little bit and its very hidden away", now if im honest, i dont know if its that kind of love, but i still have small feelings for him purely because we were together for nearly 3 years and have so many happy memories, and he took my virginity. i need real help please guys, as i really dont know whether to believe my exes promises and try to give him another chance, or just carry on the way i am, and move on? im confused!
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broke up, christmas, clubbing, engaged, facebook, flirt, kissing, move on, moved out, my ex, on holiday, revenge, text, the internet Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2010): It seems to me that you need to decide. After all, by delaying a decision this long you are already starting to cheat.Be selfish. Decide what *you* want, no matter how much it might hurt others. Because in the long run that will hurt everyone the least.Be smart. If you know in your head that someone is like that, then don't think they are going to change. Decide if you can live with that or not.Then be constant. Give things a chance to work out. Don't complicate things by allowing others to put arms over shoulders, snog or sleep with you. If you can't do that whilst drunk, then don't get drunk. See what things are like when there is no drama to cloud the water.The men in your life are cutting you a lot of slack. They won't do so forever. So whilst you have the chance, sort everything out. Otherwise they will do that for you and you might not like the results (eg, they both might dump your sorry ass for nice girls).Finally, do away with the excuses.Sort things out with your parents to the extent that you can tell them (even by letter) of your major life events. It is more than reasonable for a fiance to be mightily annoyed if you do not tell your parents -- he will be thinking that you are not serious (and I am thinking that you probably were not, recognising his offer as a way to patch a relationship rather than a genuine desire for marriage. If so I've no idea why you accepted. See "be selfish" above.)Sort out treatment for this medical condition where you can only think of one thing at a time. Or never mention it again.Sort out your phone. Give up texting, since you are hopeless at it and it tempts you to have affairs.Sort out your drama queen tendencies. Have you read the soap opera you posted? Did living through that make you happy? This time around, make sensible choices. If you want excitement in your life, take up a sport.Personally, I think you are a lucky girl. I wouldn't have put up with a tenth of want you have put either of those men through. Get yourself sorted before they come to the same conclusion.
A
female
reader, BunnyTee  +, writes (24 May 2010):
 Well, you've thoroughly convinced me of why you should move on. I'd say the water is far too muddy now to wait around hoping that it will clear. Move on, but learn from your mistakes when you do! Cheat on NO ONE. There is NEVER a good reason for that behavior. IOW,clean up one mess before making another.
Another thing: you are de-valuing yourself and others in doing things like having sex with the same guy who just had sex with your friend an hour prior. THAT is some atrocious behavior, missy. Clean up your act before doing any moving on. And RESPECT YOURSELF.
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