A
female
age
30-35,
*nonem
writes:Growing up as a child I always thought, money would come very easy.Then in my teenage years, I got into university quite early and finished early too, I thought immediately after graduation, everything was going to fall in place and work out just the way I had planned. Things aren't bad right now, they are far worse. And what scares me the most is time.I am very scared, In fact I tend to have short breaths go into shock anytime I think of how time flies. I really wish to be 18 again.I mean I haven't really achieved anything or should I say I am not satisfied with my current level of achievement. 2014 and 2015 have been the worst years of my life, I have constantly lost a lot of money through bad investments. No one cares about your hard work, only results. That is something I have learnt through the years. How do I cope with the fact that I cannot get over the fact that I would be 23 next year with no sensible achievement at least according to me. I panic a lot about my age. I know this age is not easy. Wendy williams said we ladies should use our 20's to build our career and get married at 30 because life isn't as it was in the olden days. I detest late success and I know I am bright and can do something. But knowing is not enough we must do.Has anyone ever been in the state where you have no idea what to do. Almost like you do not even know your purpose. Many older people are extremely successful but we can't say that for people my age only very few people. I want to be part of the few. My family expects so much of me even my lecturers in university then. I feel like I am failing. I have no idea what to do. I panic a lot about time and my age. How do I handle this? I feel I might spend so much time thinking not to waste anymore time and then keep wasting time. I do not doubt my success one bit but I detest late success. If I am successful let's say at the age of 30 or in my 30s, I know I wouldn't be happy about it because I would have wanted it to happen earlier. I just hate the fact that right now my hands are tied by so many factors, financial, emotional, mental. How do I deal with accepting my age and moving on with my life?
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male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (11 December 2015):
I had a few younger female friends who had or have great schooling/university level education and instead of feeling proud, they felt more anxious than anything else. They often felt like they were behind, and needed to catch up and 'have it all'. This meant many things like having a boyfriend, high paying job, car, their own apartment and while I would say the list goes on and on, the list is never actually never fulfilled. This is coupled with high expectation from parents, family members and even older friends.
Firstly, success is determined by happiness. It is not determined by what you have or don't have. You can be perfectly happy being a simple labourer compared to the person in the professional field. The sibling who is single, watches her sister who is married with kids and remembers that she is happy she does not have the family to deal with. If you are happy, then you are successful. The millionaire who is sad and bitter is unsuccessful. The poor person is who unappreciative and greedy is unsuccessful.
Secondly, you have to accept that failure is a part of life. I don't know any successful people who has had an easy life. Even their spoiled children who are taught nothing about life are taken advantage of. The only successful people I know are hard workers who have sacrificed a lot. The sacrifice comes into play when you realize that there are others who want 'it' just as badly as you.
Thirdly, you are young and the truth is that even if you were one of the few people who were instantly successful, it would not equate to happiness. You only assume that those young few successful people are happy. Again, money does not equate to happiness.
Give yourself sometime, take a break in order to understand your own faults and figure what it is that YOU need to do in order to be happy. You need to do some self reflection to figure out your own path. It is best to do this now , than to be 40 and only then regretting your youth. If you still lost, then I would recommend to learn some new skills around your career path which 'might' be helpful but not 'directly' helpful, if that makes sense. For example I took up some sales/speaking training even though I major in Computer Science. I did it for a small time but I think it paid off more than I ever expected it to.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2015): Attitude...attitude...attitude!!!
Your generation has such an over-developed sense of entitlement! I want it all, and I want it all now! If you can't press a button, and it doesn't happen instantly; must one deduce it never will happen? How cynical for one who is so wet behind the ears!
Millennials worry yourselves into a frenzy over "success!"
You see a few others who make a few extra bucks, drive fancier cars, and put on a front like nobody's business; and that makes you a failure. Only because you don't have what other people have?
Seriously?!!
Guess what, girlfriend? Sometimes success does come late, and may require a great deal of hard work, perseverance, and commitment. You have to getup and dust yourself off after a failure, and learn from it. It may take doing things many times over; and a plethora of failures and mistakes, before you find your purpose. Life requires a lot of fine-tuning, tweaking, and honing every skill you have.
Nowadays you have to combine street-smarts with book-smarts.
You have to survive through unforeseen challenges and develop extra-sensory perception to anticipate things before they happen. It's called, preparation!
For the majority of us, success comes with time. Yes, for some it seems to come easier and sooner. Perhaps, if you only look at things on the surface. You don't know what they've sacrificed or what kind of deal they made with the devil for it. There are no shortcuts, and no easy one-size-fits-all plans to life. We all progress according to our abilities, mental capacity, talents, sense of commitment; and the way destiny shapes things for us. Circumstances and timing play a big part of where we end up in life.
You'll face many frustrations and failures, but you have to cherish every small accomplishment, appreciate small blessings. They add up. You must have a positive-outlook, or you will give-up too early; and doom yourself to failure.
Sweetheart, everything you've written is as if I wrote it myself, so many years ago. There are hundreds, if not thousands of people; reading your post, and totally feeling you.
I mean we've all been in your little young inexperienced shoes. But you're smart, and driven. Just expecting too much too soon. You've got to set your plan, plot a course, and work for what you want. I truly believe you'll get it, because you're going through that phase when you are looking at your failures and assessing your progress. Just don't beat yourself down in the process, baby-girl! Life owes us nothing. It's a gift in itself. Living "woe is me" is not appreciating it. If that's how you prefer to waste your youth, so be it.
I know you've got potential. You've worked very hard, if you've finished school early. I commend you on that. As for Wendy Williams's advice? Well!!!???
Everyone's destiny isn't programmed the same. You can set goals and have high expectations; but you also have to accept reality. You also have to know what "success" is; and "what kind of success" you're looking for. You've already made some accomplishments by completing higher education. Now get out and gain some work experience. Go for it. Be good at more than one particular thing. Try several things to be balanced, skilled, flexible, and well-rounded. You're young. You've got plenty of time. Don't waste time feeling sorry for yourself, being bitter, and tearing yourself down. Too many do that these days. Sitting around hateful and nasty...all 'cause life ain't what they want it to be. So life stinks. Well there's always someone willing to trade places with you. People who do have a worse than your worse.
That's why you have to help others to get your mind off yourself. Helping others is helping yourself. Getting away from selfishness redirects your focus. Try volunteer work and charity work. You'll make unbelievable connections, and networking with others will help you find your way.
Too many people spend a lot of time hating their lives, and it slips away while they're busy trashing it. Learn to see the good in things, and reward yourself every-time you do something right, or complete something you set out to do.
I've only read your post, but I've got faith in you. You wrote it because you are a deep thinker, and maybe you're overthinking things a bit. Travel when you can. Explore.
Do different types of work to gain broad experience. Most of all, look at life with zeal, gratitude, and wonder. You're still pretty much a kid, but you're growing up. You'll move and grow beyond what you're feeling now. Just realize you can't compare your life to that of others. What happens for you happens at a time that it's best for you. Not based on how and when it happens for others.
Just like people who win the lottery, and most often end up as broke, or broker, than they were before they hit the jackpot. They weren't prepared for the success. You have to be ready for whatever you gain, and be able to maintain it.
You also have to be worthy of it. With power and success comes bigger worries, and more complicated problems. Trust me, I've learned this over the years. So you're at the stage you're preparing for the future. The success will come, but you also have to be able to handle it. It's not just looking good, getting attention, pats on the back, and the envy of others. It's working hard; so what you do gain, you deserve it! And most of all, you can enjoy it!
Best of luck, my dear. I truly hope I've helped.
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