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female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: INTRO: I live with my parents because of chronic unemployment. They spent Christmas Eve and Christmas at a distanced city with our extended family and I refused to go as usual. I'm the only Christian in the family, and I'm in my thirties and still single, so I feel kind of uncomfortable spending too much time with my younger cousins who have almost everything going on for them. I don't want the family to notice the contrast. Also, I don't want to listen to them (younger cousins) talk about themselves like they always do. For more than a year I have tried everything and have not had the opportunity to make a new friend. People that care a little bit more about me at church are older and I feel like I'm talking to my mom. Everyone needs people their age around to feel identified with. I've been going to that church for two years and only three people know my name. At church people my age are all married or in a serious relationship or are not compatible with me so I feel alone. After I broke up with my two year boyfriend (2 1/2 years ago) I have contacted "friends" from my past just to end up feeling rejected and feeling they don't care about me.I'm not interested in getting married. For this phase of my life I need just friends. Preferably females because males usually offer friendship at first in the hopes of an eventual romantic relationship. I'm intelligent, professional and act nice towards people. I never had any problems making friends at college. What's wrong now?MY NEW CONCERN REGARDING THIS PROBLEM: So my parents came home from spending Chrismas Eve and Christmas Day with relatives and I had just started to read Dale Carnegie's "How to make friends and influence in people" and I left it by accident at the living room and my parents found it. They have not said anything and will not say anything about the book to me but I would've liked them not to see the title of the stupid book. I don't want anyone's pity. Now I feel ashamed. My parents are kind of toxic and dysfunctional half of the time and I don't trust them with my intimate feelings and never will. They know basically I have no friends and they have seen me fail in many things in life I don't want them watching me failing in another one. Any thoughts?
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female
reader, ppllzzx  +, writes (30 December 2009):
there is some really good advise on this page. i would also suggest a new church. it maybe hard to leave the only place where you feel you have friends but it sounds like you are despirate for a change. i too am a christian and recently moved away and started bible college, which ment going alone and haveing to make friends but i prayed about it and God gave me real strength to start this new stage in my life. God only wants the best for you so you can trust him to bring you to a better place.
also i would say that you should talk with your parents about it otherwise it could be awkard at times, its probably best to clear the air
hope this helps
A
male
reader, doom  +, writes (28 December 2009):
 first of all, i can say that the book is really great=) i loved it and it is really a positive book.Read it 3 times.
then second, maybe try some hobbies? try going somewere social, to a sport club, or doing some colective organisation, charities.There you can meet new people who have the same oppnion and interest as you are.Good luck
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A
female
reader, Carrot2000  +, writes (28 December 2009):
 Sounds like the breakup and unemployment have taken their toll on you and living at home doesn't help. Your feelings of loneliness and isolation are understandable.
Have you visited other churches? There are some that have younger members and offer all kinds of social ministries where you can meet people.
Since you're not working, volunteer for a cause you believe in. It's a good way to expand your social circle and helping others helps you feel better about yourself. And you never know, volunteering may even lead to a new career!
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A
male
reader, weparley +, writes (28 December 2009):
I totally understand where you're coming from, You have been called (chosen) for ministry, so your life and walk of life is changing for your good. Don't compare you life to others. That's worldly
write me back we'll talk
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