A
female
age
36-40,
*iimii
writes:Hi everyone,I am 23 yrs old and I have a new bf, he's 30 yrs old.We've been going out for 4 months now and bf/gf for 2months.A month ago I told him that I love him and he just nod and agree, I told him its ok if he doesnt feel the same way yet, coz i know that i fall in love easily and he told me that it takes time for him to say those 3 words.Last weekend while out partying, he said I love you to me and i ask him if its true and he said it is but the next day when i kissed him goodnight and said i love you, he kinda murmur i love you back so i ask him to say i love you again but he said he doesnt want to say those words too often coz it might lose it meaning.Yesterday,i was saying bye to him on the phone and i told him again" i love you beb" and he did'nt answer back so I texted him and ask if he really meant what he said that night on the party and he said yes but it takes time for him to love someone so he's taking it back..He is a good man, I've met his family multiple times and met his friends but i feel like those 3 words will make me feel more secure with our relationship and I want to hear it from him soon.My question is, how long should I wait for him to say i love you? im really scared right now coz im falling deeply everyday and what if in 2 months he said he didnt feel the same way?
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female
reader, s4ndy  +, writes (27 May 2010):
I totally understand how you feel, but try not to push him on this one, it will come in time. Many men get embarrassed and lots find it hard to speak those three little words. When he did, the next day he was probably embarrassed that they had squeezed out from between his lips! Try to be patient, even though it might be difficult for you, because you may push him away completely, if he feels pushed into a corner. I hope this helps - good luck.
A
female
reader, BunnyTee  +, writes (27 May 2010):
 Saying ILY to someone in effort to make them feel obligated to say it back bodes very ill, I believe. If it's willingly offered and freely given, then the reciprocity aspect takes care of itself. There are better methods of asking for the security and reassurance you want.
I have been on the receiving end of what you're doing and let me tell you: it doesn't inspire one to give you what you want, your victim may, perhaps just so you'll shut the F* up and leave him alone? I know that's how being badgered about it made me feel! Take it for what it's worth to ya.
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A
female
reader, medha  +, writes (27 May 2010):
 HI
Ok, well, I come from the east. (as in the Orient).
So, well, yeah, ideally I would love a man to be totally completely and madly crazily in love with me. But, then I would sort of hang on and keep my lips zipped until he said it to me first. Call me old fashioned but watching Julia Roberts chase her best friend while he chased Cameron Diaz did something to me. Well, if you so badly wanted him to say it back to you, you should have waited for him to say it first. No way can you pry these words out of a man. And ,well, ultimately action speaks louder than words. Agree with C. Grant... imagine going through a date dreading the moment when the person would have to say that he/she loves you and then just wait till you supplied the acceptable reply!
Back off lady, this isn't the right time!
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A
male
reader, C. Grant +, writes (27 May 2010):
 Don't take this the wrong way, but I cringed when I read your question. Brought back all kinds of memories of a gal who seemed to fall for me right off the bat, told me she loved me on our first date. And then sat there figuratively tapping her fingers waiting for me to say it back. Still sends a shiver down my spine years later.
The more pressure you put on him, the more anxious you are about the situation, the more you encourage him to run away. Back off!
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A
female
reader, Gridrebel +, writes (26 May 2010):
 You are acting very insecure and manipulative. If you want him to say it and mean it, then let him be and quit trying to manipulate him into it. Coercering and cornering is not to your advantage. Just because you fall in love so easily doesn't mean your partner is the same. Who knows if he is really the one? If he does say it now and doesn't feel the same way later, well, it happens. You need to give the relationship more time and be more mature. Be patient and he will be grateful.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (26 May 2010):
He has said it. All right, just once. But don't force the issue. Women always seem to have this thing about hearing those words, without measuring the actions behind the words. I know those words are important to you, but what is more important is that he is showing he loves you. Men find it hard to say those words, and it takes time. He's older, so maybe he's been through something like this before only to have been failed. You have been boyfriend and girlfriend for 2 months, going out for four. That's still early. The more you force it, the more he will feel like you're becoming obsessive about it. He's said he loves you, he's said he means it, and he seems to show that he loves you. Don't make the mistake of placing so much importance on something that can be faked at any time. If he loves you, he will show it.
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