A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I initiated a "break" with my girlfriend about two weeks ago. Since then, I have started seeing and sleeping with a co-worker. I really like this new girl, and it seems the feeling is mutual.I am meeting with my "ex" in a few days. A chance for both of us to express where we are at after this time apart, and for me to officially tell her we are over.She will almost certainly ask me if I have been seeing or hooked up with any one during the break. What do I tell her?Do I lie and save her the pain? Does she really need to know now that the relationship is over? Or should I be totally honest? Thanks for your help.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2010): Be Honest - tell her the truth. You owe her that much. Let her get on with her life and realize she is better off.
I think you will regret it. You will date this new women and most likely it will fizzel and you will miss you ex. Mark my words.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (26 May 2010):
 Why did you go on a "break" when you knew full well what you were planning to do? That's where you lied in the first place.
Be honest with her, she might as well know the truth, as it will crystallize for her the fact that you have indeed moved on. And that you were a bit sly about it all. Perhaps she'll realize that you might not be the man she thought you were.
You should have done it all at once at the beginning, and cleanly, if you were really concerned for her feelings, instead of playing out this little farce. This little game you just played is really not nice. So be prepared for some well-deserved anger directed at you from your ex.
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A
female
reader, raiders +, writes (26 May 2010):
 officially you two are not together so you did not cheat, I don't think she needs to know you are with someone else, but she does have to know that the relationship is over and there is no chance of this relationship ever blossoming again.
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A
female
reader, Midge  +, writes (26 May 2010):
 Well if I were her, and you were telling me its over, I think the natural thing to ask would be if there is someone else. If I were in her shoes, I would find it very hard to understand that you have just started sleeping with this woman, and I would believe that this has been going on behind my back and that you have been cheating. If this isnt the case, then I suggest you just fob it off as nonsense. Its not good to tell lies, but in theory, you werent sleeping with her whilst in the relationship, so its not a lie.
I wouldnt pussyfoot about the issue though. I would tell you ASAP that its over and that there is no hope of reconciliation. Dont prolong her pain, and dont let her feel like she is gonna make a fool of herself by telling you that she still loves you or something like that.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2010): yes you tell her you have moved on. the worse thing is lying by ommission. you know your "ex" will find out anyway. so better coming from you than finding out your lies.
how long were you with your ex?
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A
female
reader, MissKin +, writes (26 May 2010):
 Don't tell her about the person you're seeing. It's unnecessary. It's not nice to lie, but it would be worse to tell her a truth that would hurt.
And Yes. she really needs to know that the relationship is over. And! when you're meeting to talk about it, make sure YOU go first. this is just my opinion, but if i did this with my bf (even if he was soon to be an ex), and i went first and i'd decided i loved him and wanted to stay with him - and he followed up with 'i dont want to be together anymore', then i wud just never get over it. so try to be considerate. Try to leave things.. civil i suppose. Less drama the better.
Make sure you're doing the right thing as well.
So to directly answer ur question instead of waffling on :P i think it's best not to bring up the other person.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2010): In my opinion, If you have no feelings left for her and you really want it to be over.. Just tell her, don't need to lie to save her pain because i think it will hurt either way. Also I think you should tell her that you have been seeing someone else. If I was the girl, I would be sad, but then happy to know the truth,..since you guys are going to break up. Really simple, just put yourself in her shoes. What would you want??
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (26 May 2010):
Don't tell her about the woman. Just say that you've decided it's time for you to move on. Make it short, then make sure you cut contact. Don't leave her dangling. And just be careful with this new woman for a while.
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