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age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: I've got a serious issue with self-confidence and constantly compare myself to other girls and think they're so much better than me - prettier, etc. Recently, a lad who I've known for a year-ish told me he liked me. This was a shock because lads NEVER show an interest in me. He constantly flirts with me and I do like him back, but I know of other girls who he likes and he's constantly looking girls up and down, texting other girls and stuff. This is where the problem is, because I just see these girls and think "Im no match for her" or "Shes prettier than me, so she deserves him more". Sometimes I feel he's just messing me about - why would he want to like an ugly girl like me?? It does really, really get me down. So,do you think this boy actually feels something for me? What can I do to build my confidence and confidence with boys in the future??Thanks;x
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2008): Some guys do flirt just to mess around with girls & I'll never understand that but if he told you he likes you then that means that something is there. If he flirts with other girls besides you, it probably means he has a problem with rejection & wants to appear not to care that much. Flirt back if you like him & make it clear that you do. Don't feel like you need to compete with other girls, no two people are the same & that's the way God wanted it to be. Let your personality shine through & don't stress about the situation. As soon as you become comfortable with yourself, everyone will feel more comfortable with you. Look in the mirror every day & tell yourself that you're beautiful, every day, until you believe it. I'm sure you're not ugly & this boy obviously doesn't think so either.
A
female
reader, iwillhelpyouthroughit  +, writes (27 July 2008):
 I was in the exact same position as you about 4 months ago. I felt like i wasnt pretty enough for anyone to like, and i had no self confidence or self esteem. But now i've got a lovely boyfriend and he's made me feel so much different, i'd had boyfriends before but they'd never make me feel as happy as i do now, and although i still look in the mirror and wish i was something better, i'd come to the point that everyone thinks like that.He knows how i feel and understands that when i dont agree with his compliments he understands. If your serious about this boy my advice would be to definatly tell him how you are feeling it could make a things a whole lot better. Dont worry too much! Your confidence will grow just try and believe things that people are telling you. and try and not tell yourself that your ugly, try and do things which you usually wouldnt.Talking to people about how you feel is good, like other female friends. Most girls do feel like this trust me, and we all have our down days but if your really feeling like this all the time you need to find out why? What is it thats making you feel like this? Because you shouldnt just think it.Do things that make you feel happy and talk to this lad. Whats the worst that can happen in the whole situation?It's better to have loved and lost then to have never loved at all. Plus everyone has things happen to them in there life but it's all part of life. Boys are going to come and go so take the risk enjoy yourself. AND STOP TELLING YOURSELF YOU UGLY! Nobody is ugly.Everyone is different in there own way. Even the prettiest of girls will be called ugly by someone.I hope your alright?And that helped a little bit. Even though i got a bit off the point. xxxxxx
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A
female
reader, Bliz  +, writes (27 July 2008):
Dear x,
Sorry to hear things are getting you down. You seem to be asking two separate (although related) questions here.
“So,do you think this boy actually feels something for me?”
My guess is that he does like you, but since he seems to look a lot of girls up and down, he may not be in a position to be a good boyfriend to you. Not necessarily because he isn’t a good person, but because he doesn’t seem like he has settled on one person to like. As for being no match for the other girls, he seems to think you are, and in that sense I’m sure he is right. I would take his interest as a sign that you are an interesting and attractive person (as if there is any doubt!). If you are feeling up to it, you could always ask him about it (your choice of course).
That said, I think that it is best not to think of other girls as competition (step 1 in having more confidence). Which brings me to your second question,
“What can I do to build my confidence and confidence with boys in the future??”
Figure out what it is that makes you who you are (not a easy as it sounds, believe me). Remember that you are yourself, and cannot to be compared to someone else.
You are at a great age as far as deciding who you are and who you want to be. Sometimes the best way to build your confidence is to focus your attention elsewhere, say on your interests outside of dating (oddly enough this is usually one of the best ways to meet more people). Maybe learn more about a type of music you like, develop your own style, try out a new kind of dance or sport, take up needle point, whatever seems to strike you fancy! And always make sure you read something that isn’t required (even if you do it in secret, so as not to look too nerdy). It will give you a lot of perspective on life, the world at large, and yourself.
Most importantly, try to stop seeing it as a competition between yourself and other girls, and don’t focus on it as needing more confidence for boys. As far as confidence goes, once you stop worrying about being confident for certain people or in certain situations, you’ll find that you are.
All the best,
Bliz
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A
female
reader, rose_red  +, writes (27 July 2008):
YES!obviously he does feel something for you if he is flirting with you.. He probably just doesn't know where he stands with you- first of all you need to build up your own self confidence!Before you go out-wear something amazing and you will instantly feel much better and confident-imagine urself as ur favourite celebrity when your out and you feel insecure.. and imagine how confident/ they way they act (stupid I know but it seems to work..lol!)he sounds like a typical guy afterall, they always look at other girls but at the end of the day he likes YOU. You just don't realise it because of your low self esteem :)You think a lot like me- i always compare myself to other girls even though I am always told I am very pretty by friends and guys (I never believe anyone because i have been hurt in the past with a guy)you should invite the guy to cinema/ out for drinks+ just have fun and see how it goes :)
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A
female
reader, dolphintears +, writes (27 July 2008):
he likes you for your personality and who you are. you are probably an extremley nice girl thats why he says he likes you! :)
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