A
female
age
41-50,
*auraP
writes:Hey Cupid,My boyfriend of 8 months has a tendency to not communicate with me for days on end after weeks of intimate behaviour where he tells me that I don't realise how much he loves me and that every other girl is inadequate. It eats me up so badly because there is no reason for secrecy, alas it just causes me to have thee worst suspicions. He is a very jealous person but I am clueless as what to do when he retreats for days barely responding to text messages but they often say (I love you in them too) and when I call he sounds like he doesn't want to be on the phone, but also won't admit to there being anything different in his behaviour or if anything is upsetting him. He has delayed our meeting up today three times and I don't have any idea a) he'll show up at all or b)we'll break up for unknown reasons.Has anyone got any advice as to why men do this or if I should be the one to jump ship instead of allowing him to emotionally paralyse me.Thanks,Laura
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (16 August 2008):
 Possibly he's just bad at handling how much personal space he needs. Rather than communicating with you about it, he could be letting it get too much for him meaning he has to retreat the way he does.
He could say 'I need some of my own time for a while, don't worry I still love you, I'll let you know when I'm feeling sociable again', or something like that. That is a very hard thing for some guys to say and do. It took me a long time to learn, and I still mess it up frequently.
I suggest waiting 'til he's obviously in a good, communicative mood and then talk to him about it. See if you can establish a few basic communication groundrules between the two of you to avoid this situation in the future.
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (16 August 2008):
Most men don't do this. It sounds like he's either trying to control you, or he could just be a complete flake and be "in love" with you one minute and not the next.
What do you say when he goes on about how much he loves you? I'd be inclined to just say "Yeah." and explain that you don't think he does because of the way he acts.
If he turns up tonight then tell him you can't cope with him acting this way and if he does it again then it's over.
Then if he goes awol for more than 48 hours then text him and tell him that it's over.
Don't drive yourself mad for this guy, no mad is worth that.
Good Luck!! xx
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