A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:I have this friend who i've known now for nearly 7 years and shes one of my closest friends, shes 3 kids 2 of which are my godsons and i do love her to pieces however i am at the end of my tether.She is forever ringing me and texting me telling me about problems about her life etc. That her boyfriend beats her, she has no other friends and no life, her family are a bunch of nutcases many of which don't speak to her and its got to the point now where i'm beginning to get really annoyed. I do help with with everything she needs and do know that she comes to me for advice however its beginning to be every single day that there is another thing wrong with her. First its her boyfriend is a lazy so and so and won't get a job, second its her mum putting her down thirdly its how shes never any money etc. etc. There have been many a time i have had to get out of work early to go and help her because she is having rows with her boyfriend, have had to lend her money because she is skint and have given her advice and reassurance about her family. But lately i have been experiencing some problems of my own and really need a friend to talk to but when i talk to her about it she immediately changes the subject onto about her and her problems. And its really annoying, because here i am would help her out at the drop of a hat and now when i need her help and advice she just isn't interested. My sister hates being in her company because she is so pessimistic, everything she talks about is dull and dreary. My sister says that my friend seems to think that the world owes her a living because she's had 3 kids and the more i sit back and think to myself, the more i see she's right.But i don't want to hurt her feelings by telling her she's being so selfish, i do alue our friendship enough not to hurt her but how can i let her know that it isn't always just about her??
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female
reader, Lola1  +, writes (18 November 2009):
 It can be emotionally draining to give and give and give and feel as though we don’t get back even half of what we give. We expect to have times like this with friends, but we also expect those times to pass.
Your friend's self-absorbed and emotionally draining demeanour could very well be what has caused her to lose her other friends.
You need a friend to talk to, but perhaps there are others you can turn to. If you do not rely on her for things she doesn't appear willing or able to give, you won't feel so let down.
Consider re-evaluating where she fits in your life. Perhaps she is someone you should spend less time with consoling. She may be one of those people (of whom there are many) who like to complain and don’t actually want to do anything to fix the problem. She may enjoy the sympathy.
When you do talk about your problems and she moves the conversation to her, what is stopping you from saying, “yeah ,that is too bad,” and then steering the conversation back to you, sometimes?
I’m sorry you’ve hit a rough patch. Good luck and I hope it all works out.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2009): She sounds to have legitimate problems. However friends are not supposed to be used as personal therapists. Suggest to her to go see a professional to talk too, considering she has all these problems. If you two are as close as you say, this can be put in a gentle and supportive way. Tell her you do care about her, but that you can not deal with all of her issues.
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