A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:Hope someone can help. I almost got involved with a married man I work with last year. I really liked him (and still do) but saw the heartache down the road and backed away. I guess he was not impressed and brings up his wife constantly to me now..I just say nothing as I know the game he is playing. I now see him sending out flirting/vulnerable signals to other women in the office and it hurts but my instinct is to say nothing even though I now know he is a player. I wonder why it bothers me so and I wonder if I should say something to these other women. I think it is common knowledge he is married. Any replies appreciated.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2007): Hi,
It is funny why they feel that they need to bring their wife in every conversation.
A work colleague made it very clear that he was interested. We are both married with children but he is over 15years older than me. As nothing was going to happen, now every time we are in a meeting he talks about his wife. Unfortunately, due to the nature of our work we have to meet on a one to one basis, the first ten minutes he talks about his wife and his family. Now and then I talk about my husband but he changes the subject very swiftly.
I used to think that he started to talk about his wife because he was seeing my reaction and to try and get me jealous. Now I think it is because, his ego was hurt and he is saying, it doesn't matter if you don't fancy me, I have a wife, and I go on holidays and I eat in nice restuarents etc..It seems to really affect him when I am on holiday though and snide remarks are made.
He does not flirt with other women to get me jealous, at least he has not done that yet! He does noticeably get peeved when I am talking to other men.
Why do you think he talk about his wife to you?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2007): This is a game of egos I'm afraid - you bruised his so now he has to prove himself, to himself, and make you feel as though you've missed out on the hottest bit of office eye candy. I doubt he is!! Anyhow by staying as you are - cool, calm and collected - it will drive him mad and the best bit is you actually deep down don't want him anyway so after a while he will realise this and give up. See him for what he is - a creep.
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