A
female
age
30-35,
*rigger18
writes:ive asked for advice on here before but now i think it time i asked again... im feeling extremely stressed. everything feels like its falling around me. about five months ago i had a perfect plan. i have an amazing boyfriend who lives with his dad. i met him wen i lived with my mum. we have been together for a year and 3 months now. five months ago he had to move with his dad to a new city and my boyfriend and i had been living together for about 6 months by then. so wen they moved i was asked if i wanted to move in with them. i sed yes because i felt this was my new start in life as i felt living in the city with my mum held no more promise for me any more.wen it came to time to move i had the promise of a job transfer and the possibility to go to a new college and i would be able to meet new people and new friends. I then had an operation to fix a problem that i have had for all my life. thats wen things started to go wrong. whilst in recovery i had to postpone my transfer untill i had recovered. i had already spoken to the new manager at my job and explained this and they were perfectly happy to wait for me. but during my recovery i had to pay rent as i had moved in with my boyfriend. i tried to get support from the job centre and they couldnt help me with my money issues and so since i had my operation i have been back and forth from my mums to my boyfriends. since then i havnt been able to get transferred and its caused alot of problems. they have been messing me around for months on end telling me to "come back in two weeks", "come back next month", give us a few days and we will try and get it sorted for you".im at my wits end.but i havnt been pinnning my hopes on just that one job. ive been out looking everywhere for me there is no where that will hire me because of either lack of experience or lack of qualifications or a car.again when i tried to get some support for money i wasnt eligible because of my situation. so basically ive been living for free. this has put alot of stress on both me and my boyfriend as he feels he has to pay for me because he wants me to live him. he dosent want us to be apart like this.i feel really awful about my boyfriend wanting to pay for me because he wants me there that badly. it makes me feel like a bum. living with my mum again dosent feel like the right option and will tear me and my boyfriend apart. neither of us want that. i have been told by my boyfriend tonight that i can no longer stay with him and his dad as i cant live for free which i totally understand but im still stuck in the same situation if i do live at my mums. ill have no job and no money but ill also have lost the one guy i love. my boyfriend wants me to ask my mum to pay fifteen quid a week for me to live with my boyfriend and his dad but i totally disagree. my mum would want me to work things out for myself and not to remain dependent on her for money as i moved out and its my responsibility which is why im not asking her for money. im not sure why im writing this and im sorry its so long but i guess im really asking for someone to tell me what they did in their situation? this whole situation is stressing me out to the point where my body is physically suffering from the effects of the stress that im in. i dont know wot to do. i dont know how to cope and i feel alone. i feel like everytime i have asked for help theres been no one to listen and help me out. ive gotten to the stage of thinking that digging myself into a hole and burying myself and then forgetting that any of this is real is feeling like a good idea but it is real. five months ago i felt like i was an adult prepared for life and independent enough to cope on my own in the big bad world but now i dont think i could feel more like a child and more dependent on the people around me than ever before and im not like that. i dont want to feel like that. it hurts me to feel so incapable of what millions of people do every day. again apologys for the length...but someone please... help..
View related questions:
money, moved in, moved out Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (24 March 2010):
 Okay which one of you knuckleheads blew the margin?
A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (24 March 2010):
 http://www.jobcentreplus.gov.uk/JCP/Customers/WorkingAgeBenefits/Jobseekerallowance/index.html
First of all you can get jobseekers allowance if you are unemployed and looking for work (as long as you are not a student - i.e. returning to uni this year, starting studying etc). I lived with my mum and dad when I lost my job - so I was still living in a house with a high income in terms of my parents, but I was still able to claim jobseekers allowance because I was unemployed and looking for work. It will only be about £50 a week, which is not much, but still much better than nothing!
I was in a kind of similar situation to you once I left uni - I had moved straight into an apartment with my boyfriend after uni and the idea was that I would get a job right away. But this was in 2008, when the recession was beginning and jobs were few and far between. It only took me 2 months to find a full time job, but this was 2 months too long as my boyfriend was paying for everything, and it put a real strain on our relationship.
What I ended up doing was work experience - I wanted to work in PR/Marketing so I had sent my CV to every agency in the area under the sun, no job offers but one offered to give me some work experience and pay expenses, with the possiblity of a job at the end of it. I stayed there 6 weeks, and there was no job unfortunately but there was a girl who worked there who put me in touch with her friend who was looking to hire someone - and I got the job!
What you have to do is lower your standards - if there is a certain industry you want to work in, or a certain career you really want, then be willing to work for free. Dont let anyone take advantage - limit it to a month maximum. But it looks great on your CV, and will give you lots of experience with a small chance of maybe being offered a job at the end if you do well.
Jobs are hard to come by at the moment, so be willing to do anything to get one. Make sure you CV is perfect - so make it beautifully presented, make sure it is only 1-2 pages long depending on your experience and education (the less waffle the better on a CV), make sure you have a different and interesting covering letter (this can just be the text you use in your email when sending a CV but it needs to be very impressive and different from all the others out there). Think about the job you are applying for - I acutally tailored my CV differently each time I applied for a job because no 2 jobs are the same hence you need to make sure your CV demonstrates to the best of your ability why you are perfect for that job.
And in the mean time, apply for any work going. Whether that is part time in a restaurant/pub, working in a shop......there are loads of jobs out there but maybe they are not quite the ones you want. But when you are in this sort of situation, you have to apply for anything going just to get a bit of money. Make sure all the recruitment agencys have your CV and know what you are looking for.
You will find a job I promise but you just need to widen your search and accept any job for now, regardless of whether it is what you want to do in the future. I personally dont drive, only had a uni degree when I got my first job and had no real long term experience. But here I am working in a great job where I am doing what I wanted to do all my life.
It just takes a lot of dedication and time - When I was unemployed I spent around 4-7 hours per day searching for jobs, writing my CV, writing my covering letters/emails, and doing general research on the industry I wanted to work in. You have to stop wallowing in self pity and get off your bum and do something about it. You have not applied for every job going in your city, you have not got your jobseekers allowance sorted....it seems to me you are still kind of on hold because of this promise of another job. Forget all about that - it is not going to happen. Ask them to send you your P45 and be done with it. Move on - and make sure you spend all of your time getting yourself sorted.
Dont worry about anyone else in this situation - I am sure you and your boyfriend have a strong relationship so just know that this is a tough time, and you will come out of the other side ok. Keep living at your mum's for now, focus on yourself and getting your life sorted. You and your boyfriend will be just fine, as long as you take action now to get your life back on track.
If you need any further help message me or provide a follow up and I will try to help.
...............................
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (24 March 2010):
 I am sorry to hear of your plight .Life can be cruel sometimes.
If your mom or your b/f cannot help you , I would suggest that you go to this link to seek help;-
Do not give up hope and have faith in God.
http://www.adviceguide.org.uk/index/your_money/benefits/benefits_for_people_looking_for_work.htm#jobseekers_allowance
...............................
A
male
reader, Kenj +, writes (24 March 2010):
 Sorry to hear things are not going as you expected, but never give up it will work out in the end.
Regarding the job situation, I dont want to sound rude but are you setting your sights too high?
What I mean is take any job for now that does not require experience, for example contact your local supermarkets and see if the need staff or even a McDonalds, its probably not going to be your idea job but it will take some pressure off you while you can still be job hunting for a better job to come.
Personally if I was in that situation with my girlfriend, I would find another way to temporaray support her, maybe get a second part time job myself until something came along for her, but thats just me, everyone is different.
Stay strong! Dont give in, you will make this work.
...............................
|
