A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I met a guy while working in Alaska this summer. He'd been there for about 6 months and I was scheduled to be there for two. It was a really great opportunity for me to get out of my home town and away from all these people that I didn't like and dragged me down. I went and had no intention of getting a boyfriend and didn't even want one. I just wanted to make friends. But this guy, let's call him Max, liked me immediately. He's 25 and I'm 21. I could tell he was interested because he looked at me all the time but was way too shy to even talk to me. It was cute. After about two weeks, I finally gave him a chance and had a great conversation with him (it was the first time we even talked). We have a lot in common like our family situation, what we like to do, and that we're nice people. We started hanging out a lot. Almost every day after work and then we started having 'sleepovers' and after a month of being there we had sex. It was a very natural progression and we were completely on the same page about liking each other. After we both left, he went to another place in Alaska and I went to a different place. We did just fine. We were both there for about a month and we talked on the phone almost every day. He got back home before I did (we live really close to each other in Washington) and went on family trip for about 10 days which his best friend went on too. We still talked a lot at night and had plans that I would pick him up on a Sunday. Things got weird on Friday. He didn't talk to me as much and was distant. Then we texted a couple times on Saturday because I wanted to know where and when I'd be seeing him and then he didn't text me back. On Sunday, I texted him and asked him to call me. He called and I found out he had gotten home the day before. His sister had picked him and his friend up. I was a little irritated but let it go and asked when I got to see him. We agreed to meet up at a mall and see a movie. His sister and friend would be going too. Too sum up the next week, I stayed over at his house a lot but he never made any effort to help me get comfortable with his friends. He pretty much introduced me and then left me out of the conversation and I just sat there. I was really uncomfortable and was going out of my way to see him. One day I was at my house and wanted to hang out. I called him asking what he was doing, figuring I could finally get him out and do something with just me. He was going to his friend's surprise birthday party and I really didn't want to go along. I told him I'd just talk to him tomorrow. All next day his phone was off and he never contacted me. The day after, I called him and he didn't pick up. He texted me hours later saying he was at work and he'd call me later. I didn't hear from him so I called him again after 7pm. He picked up and I straight out asked him if this wasn't working for him. He sounded very irritated and said "can we talk about this later" and said he'd call me later. I said I hadn't heard from him all day the day before and he responded by saying "you don't hear from me for one day and you're acting crazy". The tone of my voice wasn't crazy, if anything his was panicked. He used to call me to let me know when I wouldn't be able to get a hold of him and text me in the mornings with "I miss you" or "Good morning sunshine". We hung up and around 11pm I hadn't heard from him so I figured I'd give him one last chance. I called, he didn't pick up, so I left a voicemail saying "You don't get to make me wait. I'm done with this shit." and then hung up. It's been a week. I haven't heard from him at all and I'm in Paris now. I'm completely miserable. I want to go home. I want to know what the hell happened. My program in Paris lasts for two months. What should I do? I really thought it was going to work out with him. I believe his "best friend" did this to him and made him feel bad about himself. I met the guy and he's a loser and uses Max for his stuff. He's taller and physically better looking so I can see why he'd be able to beat him down. I am MISERABLE. I know Max. He's a nice guy. This doesn't seem like him at all. What CAN I do?
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (3 October 2011):
 You do nothing. If he's interested, he'll seek you out. But sometimes a summer romance nevers gets much further than Labor day. I'd also be totally thrilled to be hanging in Paris for a couple of months! Try to get out there and enjoy yourself.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (3 October 2011):
 You have no proof that his best friend done anything to him so try and take that out of your mind. It sounds to me like yes he may very well be a nice guy and you both had a wonderful time in Alaska. But it sounds like once he got back home you where coming on a little to strong for him. You called him way to much and didn't give him a chance to breathe. He hasn't bothered trying to contact you since therefore it is obvious that there is something wrong. Maybe he just needs some space. Give it another week or two to see if he makes the effort of contacting you. If he doesn't maybe you could text him once and ask him would he like to meet up and talk. If he doesn't respond well then I guess you just need to accept that it is over and was never meant to be.
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A
male
reader, doublejack +, writes (3 October 2011):
Unfortunately, I believe that the Max you have had trouble with recently is the "real" Max, and the one you met while traveling was his away-from-home personality. When he was away from home, away from friends and other outside influences, you were his priority. He was very attentive, he returned your calls, kept you in the loop constantly, etc. However, now that he's back in his "normal" environment it sounds like he has reverted to his old self. His friends are his priority. He wants to hang out with them, and making time for you isn't as important.
The bottom line here, I'm sorry to say, is that Max just might not be ready for a serious relationship. Like you said, you went on that trip not really looking for a boyfriend. Max was probably in the same mindset, not looking for a serious girlfriend. He's still very young at 24, so it wouldn't be unusual for him to want to live the single life and not be "tied down".
There's a saying - never make someone a priority when they only make you an option. You expressed your frustration, culminating in that final voicemail. A week later he still hasn't gotten back to you. Really, I have to say this relationship is over. The two of you were at different places. You want something serious, something "real". He was maybe there with you for a while, but now that he's back home that is definitely not what he wanted. He wouldn't have neglected you if he felt otherwise.
I think the only thing you can do is move on. You may feel that Max is being manipulated, but the fact is that he's his own man. He is the one choosing not to contact you. It is probably for the best if you close this chapter of your life, take the time to heal, and when you are ready perhaps you'll meet someone who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated!
Best of luck!
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A
female
reader, golddigger99 +, writes (3 October 2011):
 First of all, your behavior raises a huge red flag! I know you are concerned and are really fond of this guy, but as my husband puts it, you are "nagging" him! 1 day without hearing from someone is not a big deal. Remember, you are only dating--long distance. If you were married, then maybe you have a case, but you are not.
I understand the need to be worried and upset that he didn't call or that you couldn't catch him, but you must not dig yourself your own grave. A man can find your constant need to check up on him annoying. Your message on the phone, "You don't get to make me wait. I'm done with this shit." might be why he hasn't contacted you in a week.
Long distance relationships require a certain degree of maturity, trust, and patience. If you can leave that type of message after the argument you guys had, then maybe you are not mature enough to handle it. I'm sorry to say, but I had a 6 year long distance relationship with my now husband. I know all that is required of keeping one alive and the "nagging" will only cause harm than good.
My only advise towards you getting him back would be to message him daily--only once though--as to not seem to annoying. Tell him you miss him and hope all is well. If he misses you too, then he will reply to one of those messages eventually. If you notice that he doesn't reply, then I'm sorry to say that maybe the damage has been done and your relationship has passed.
I really do wish you the best of luck though!
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