A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been seeing this guy for over 8 months now, his office moved him to my city and we hit it off. He travels a lot because of his job. Early this year, he had to travel for an office retreat but recently, i found pictures of him, his friends and a girl on his computer 'recycle bin'. These pictures were dated and he wasnt supposed to be in town on that date. I confronted him and he said he was sorry that he didnt want me to freak out that his female friend was coming into town for a bit so he lied about it and went for the retreat a day later. He showed me proof that he actually did go for the retreat. I have seen intimate text messages sent from her to him and sometimes him to her. He claims she has a crush on him, hes just being nice to her and that there is nothing goin on between them.I strongly believe they were dating before he met me and are still dating.This is convenient because she's in the city he lives and i am in the city he works. He is really nice to me, he says he loves me so much. I believed he did before but now i dont know what to believe anymore. He's asking for a second chance that i should let him know where he stands with me and i dont know what to do or say. I love this guy and it might be hard for me to let him go but if he's not worth the trouble, i wouldnt want to be chasing shadows. What should i do??
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Country Woman  +, writes (9 March 2008):
 If it was me then I would want to talk to the girl myself to find out from her what the real truth is, if there is nothing to hide then he would let you speak to her even over the phone or even via email or text, if there is more to this than meets the eye he will not want you to talk to her as women tend to be more open about what is going on when there is a man involved.
If you have seen intimate messages from them did his seem to be sending back the same message to her or did it seem like it was just coming from her, did he delete any messages before you saw them?
I would be very cautious about all of this as right now he has a girl in each town to keep him company so he is getting his cake and eating it by the sounds of things. Sorry to be blunt but it seems that way.
On the other hand if he is open and upfront and allows you to contact this girl then he is being genuine, only asking will be the true way of finding out the truth in all of this.
Take care.
BFN
Country Woman
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