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I love my boyfriend, but why do I still feel like I love my ex as well?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Cheating, Dating, The ex-factor<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (3 March 2010) 2 Answers - (Newest, 3 March 2010)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I'm in a stable relationship with my boyfriend of a year and we have a son together. I recently started having feelings for him the more we text. Now i'm in love with both my boyfriend and my ex, but, my ex catches the most of them.

Recently, my boyfriend has been slowly pushing me toward my ex because if the little fights we have. My ex and I never argue, since we're friends. We text about sex and how we were when together. What should I do? I wanna stay friends with my ex, but not hurt my boyfriend. I miss my ex, but I can never go back with him, for he broke up with me. Is that the reason why I still love him?

View related questions: broke up, miss my ex, my ex, text

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A female reader, Bunny86 Singapore +, writes (3 March 2010):

Your BF doesn't "push you" towards your ex during or post fight. You just feel vulnerable and need to be re-assured again and that's why you are drawn to your ex. You could also be using your ex as a shield or worse, secretly wanting to teach your BF a lesson using your ex.

The course of true love never did run smooth- sort things out with your BF instead of seeking refuge in the past. Like you said, you have a stable relationship with your BF and just encounter little fights. Little fights can be healthy sometimes. Try to iron things out. Don't use emotional blackmailing using your ex. It's not fair. Just my 2 cents!

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A male reader, CaringGuy United Kingdom +, writes (3 March 2010):

The reason you still love him is that you're not allowing yourself to move on. Unless you cut contact, this will end in hurt for you, your boyfriend and your son. People can very rarely be friends with ex's for this reason. It doesn't allow time to move on. If you truly love and value the relationship you have with your boyfriend, then you need to cut contact with this ex and move on. Also, this ex is acting as an escape, or an emotional rock, because you're not dealing with the arguments with your boyfriend. I you want this to work, you need to cut contact and move on from this ex.

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