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I love him but I'm losing attachment to him. He breaks promises. So what next?

Tagged as: Dating, Friends, Long distance, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (7 October 2013) 4 Answers - (Newest, 7 October 2013)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I really do love and care for my boyfriend. However, I'm beginning to question his... Dedication. He is quite lazy when it comes to building our relationship. I'm always wanting to hang out and talk (he lives about 2 hrs away)...

He'd rather surf the net, play video games, or go to the bar with his two buddies.

One of my MAJOR issues with him is he will "promise" to hang out with me, but often doesn't live up to those promises. For example last Sunday he "promised" to go out but.. told me he was tired and just wanted to stay in.

I'm honestly starting to lose my attachment to him. It's frustrating. I really want to be able to go to him to talk or spend time, but I'm starting to find myself going to other people... One of my male friends is so much more "warm" than my boyfriend! I don't love him like I love my bf, but ok starting to rather his company.

I'm curious... Does my relationship seem like it can still get better? I REALLY do care about my bf but he's driving me nuts.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (7 October 2013):

Honeypie agony auntHe sounds like the already lost his attachment to you. If he rather spend time with friend and video games and you rather spend time alone just the two of you - you are not on the same page.

If you ALWAYS have to go to him and he never comes to you, then I DO think you are wasting your time.

I would consider ending it. And I agree with Brokenv - don't use your male-friend as a BF-substitute - he might think you actually like him more then you do. And that isn't fair on him.

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A female reader, morningstar1996 United States +, writes (7 October 2013):

It sounds like he just doesn't really care. Talk to him about, ask him why he hasn't been wanting to do anything lately. Say how much it bothers you and that you don't think your relationship will work if he keeps this up. His reaction will tell you if his heart is into or not.

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A male reader, CMMP United States +, writes (7 October 2013):

This is a classic example of two people who are not compatible with each other. Most people would try and force it because they're in love, but what good is love without happiness?

My advice is to tell him that you love him but you're just not compatible. No matter how many times you talk to him, things just stay the same.

Then, if he PROMISES and begs, saying he'll change, whether or not you give him a FINAL chance is up to you. Sometimes it takes the reality of losing someone to realize how important they are and how serious your mistakes have been.

If he continues being the same guy than you have no choice but to leave him. There are plenty of guys that you could fall in love with, the trick is finding the right one. He might not be that person.

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A female reader, Brokenv Canada +, writes (7 October 2013):

By the way you are writing about his lack of interest in you, have you every thought that he is losing that attachment for you?

I think you are wasting your time. Stop being so available for him. Go out meet new people with the same interest as you. Don't go for your male friend out of convience, find someone you are interested in emotionally and physically.

Good luck!

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