A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi guys,I have a long story, that I'll try to sum up. I'm 23 and I was talking to my manager at work who is 26. We texted and talked all day and all night, flirting, dirty talk, etc. He asked me to meet him privately and I said no, cuz I wanted a serious relationship also. He's known to be a player. So I wanted to avoid having my heart broken. I asked him to just hang out and he ignored me. We continued being friends but stopped talking as much.A few months later, i became really good friends with a new girl at work who is 18. We became besties really fast, and I shared a lot with her and she did too. I told her what happened with the guy, and she was happy I made a good choice. I told her it was a crush nothing serious.One day I was telling her about work and how the guy was on the phone with his gf and I got jealous and I hated it. He told me he was happier single. And I told her everything he said. A few min later he calls me screaming about why I told her blah blah. And I was so confused as to why she would tell him! Neither of them would talk to me properly and finally he told me she is his gf....I swear I had a panic attack. My best friend was his gf for 4 months and they hid it from me. I didn't even know they talked to each other.I feel like every single thing she told me was a lie. She checked my phone and read his msgs, one time she texted him from my phone just to see what he says to me. I feel like she used me. I feel like she was fake and I was dumb enough to open up to her.she told me she never had a bf, if she did she would never hide it, she never kissed a guy, blah blah. All lies. She knew how to make me talk about him, how to put things in my mind.Now she's telling me that she did it to protect me from getting hurt. So I wouldn't be jealous and think she took him. She says she has no reason to apologize, she only did it to care for me.But I would never have done that, i would have walked out of both of their lives. And let them be happy...i didn't love him.Now she wants to be friends again, and I don't know what to do.I love her and I can't hate her, but she played with my mind. And I don't want to trust her, but I'm genuinely a kind person almost naive I can't hate.Should I believe her now saying she hid it for me? BTW I do not know if they are currently together or not.
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at work, best friend, crush, flirt, girl at work, jealous, player, text Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2014): It's unfortunate you got involved with a situation like this- both are flaky, lying cheaters and it'd be a shock for anyone, particularly traumatic for someone who's a shy, kind person- the kindest thing is always to be honest with situations like this... However you HAVE been naive and you DID jump into this a bit blindly- I mean someone you've met a few moths ago for a start can't be your best friend... Guessing you haven't even had your first argument not long enough to really know her. Like honeypie said, she got involved with this guy knowing what a pr**k he is, knowing how he MESSED you around, and just played along with it all this time??! Neither of them have much maturity or regard for others feelings. She's NOT a friend, and what kind of "manager" sets an example by getting sexually involved with his younger colleagues, left right n centre.? He didn't just" cross the line of professionalism, he sprinted past it! Lol... Next time put up a stronger guard at work, and try to share personal problems as little as possible with colleagues- I used to be like you, getting too friendly too quickly, telling people stuff that have come back to me :/ They're not your friends or family, they're a random bunch of people you have spend your working week with. In every pack you'll find a rotten one lol... Ditch them BOTH and look for another job. Take care x :)
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (1 May 2014):
 Well, that certainly is quite a drama-llama show!
ALL you can really do with this, is learn from it. DO NOT treat your work place like High School/Playground. And DO NOT treat your co-workers as best buddies and text/sext-buddies.
She got roped in like YOU did by him charming her pants off, except with her, he decided to date her too (at least for a little while). However she KNEW what he had done to you, yet she still didn't mind TIL she was the GF.
Would I be her friend again? No, she was never your friend.
Would I look for another job? yes.
Would I try and learn how to be professional at work? yes.
Not to be too harsh on you, OP but you PUT yourself in this situation, where people take full on advantage. Being naive is not bad, but it's not an excuse for not using a little common sense.
People who texts and talks all day and all night, flirting, dirty talk are NOT looking for a RELATIONSHIP (in general) they are looking for a quick roll in the hay. Sexing is NOT flirting. You wait with THAT kind of stuff TIL you are in a relationship if you absolutely HAVE to sext. Player or not, I think his actions were pretty obvious. He wanted sex. YOU playing along gave him reason to think you wanted the same.
YOU need to take your work place a little more serious. And more professional. IT's not the playground were you can find other kids to create drama with.
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A
male
reader, RevMick  +, writes (1 May 2014):
 Hi,
It's a hard thing to judge when it comes to colleagues who work together. But for certain he shouldn't have been flirting if he had a girlfriend, especially one who you were also friends with.
I would always err on the side of caution and never get into a friendship battle between people you work with. For one, one of them is your superior and for the other, she is his girlfriend and will always confide in him anything you say to her.
I would say, be cordial to them both, say hello, bye etc but don't get into a situation where it can lead to anything that isn't professional.
Hope that helped some and good luck.
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