A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:3 years ago I was in a relationship with a guy it was a really difficult for me as the guy took me very casually and I took the relationship very seriously. initially I thought that I could change his habits and mend his ways but things got worse when we moved to different cities.i still hoped that we can handle a long distance relationship but he became more careless and carefree I tried my best but could not help him.we started fighting a lot and then one day we stopped talkingit was then that I started talking to a guy we immediately clicked but I lied to him about my past and did not tell him about my ex at that time because I just thought he was just a friend and I didn't want to share what was going on my personal life with him because I was ashamed of my past ..but we got closer and I started sharing many things with him.but I could not muster the courage to tell him the truth about my past relationship as I just didn't want to lose him. I also lied to him about how my ex boyfriend cheated on me. I don't know why I did that.but as time passed we came closer and I am in a relationship with him for the past 1 and a half year but I still haven't told him the truth.. I have changed a lot and never lied to him about anything after that but I feel guilty for not telling him the truth even when we came closer.. I don't know what to do ...I feel horrible that I did that to gain his sympathy and I don't want to lose him ..should I tell him the truth or should I just focus on our future and never lie to him again
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cheated on me, long distance, my ex Reply to this Question
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (30 January 2016):
 You didn't have sex so there's nothing to be ashamed of. Even you did have sex it's still nothing to be ashamed of. What you didn't like was that you felt like you were played as a fool, and you thought you could change a man. A man should not be careless in a relationship, but as a young single guy, there's nothing wrong with being carefree. People should be carefree, explore the world before settling down. You were upset that you wasted three years trying to make him yours so you made up a lie that he was a jerk.
Telling your boyfriend about the truth would not help one thing a bit but just cause mistrust in the relationship. He would wonder what else you lie about. What's important now is how you present yourself to him.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (28 January 2016):
 Don't feel guilty about it, its in the past, so leave it there build a happy future.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2016): no Ciar, I was not physically involved with my ex boyfriend.. so it is not the case.
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A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (28 January 2016):
 I agree with janniepeg.
I don't know what it is about this that you think is a dirty secret. Is this a case of you telling your now boyfriend that you're a virgin when you aren't or something?
You were perfectly justified in keeping your private life private. We don't have to vomit out all the details of our lives to everyone, not even friends.
Let it go. And heed the Facebook warning. Don't do or say anything to stir it up with the ex, just quietly delete and block him if he isn't already, along with any of his friends you might have on your friends list.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (28 January 2016):
You should let it go. Maybe your ex did cheat on you. It would be easy because of the distance. What you should have told him was that you thought he was serious, but he wasn't. Keep it simple. No need to be victimized and dramatic about it. You are in different cities. If there's a chance that your ex goes on facebook and tries to mess things up such as posting "I hit her first, you are getting my sloppy seconds." Then delete your facebook. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and just enjoy your relationship.
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