A
male
age
30-35,
*MTinG
writes:Before I officially went out with my girlfriend, I was a virgin. However, during the time I was getting to know her (we weren't going out yet), I had sex with two other girls.A few weeks after we actually decided to make it official that we were in a relationship but I never told her that I had intercourse with those other 2 girls. So now I am in a relationship with my girlfriend and she still believes that I am a virgin. I even went as far as saying something stupid: "I want you to be my first" after what I had done (I don't know why). I probably sound like a real dick but I honestly feel something for this girl, I just fell for the wrong temptation.Luckily we haven't had sex yet but I am planning on telling her that I slept with 2 other girls while we were getting to know each other and I lied about telling her that she would be my first. It has been about a month since I have held this secret from her because I always felt it would ruin what we have.When I finally tell her what should I be prepared for? No more trust? Will we ever be the same as before?[Ladies I would greatly appreciate it if you told me how you would feel in this situation and if you could really move on from this. Thank you]
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (10 April 2012):
 She may give you a second chance depending on her assessment of you: "He was stupid, but he's not mean and I can depend on him. Not perfect, but reliable" or "Darn, he lied again". Your call.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (10 April 2012):
 Trust me on this one OP,
you must be brutally honest and trustworthy TO A FAULT NOW.
eventually trust can be rebuilt but it's very very VERY fragile and easily broken again...
it will take MONTHS to rebuild this so be patient.
good luck to you and thanks for the update
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A
male
reader, FMTinG +, writes (10 April 2012):
FMTinG is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you for the help guys. I told her yesterday and I felt so much better inside when I did! This is the only lie I held from her so I wasn't going to dig a hole and make up some more bullshit; I just straight up told her "I don't know, I'm just re tarted, I thought it would hurt you but I know this is hurting you 10x worse" One thing that was a real eye opener to me was when she said:"All the trust I built up with you is now broken"When I heard that my heart really started pounding: I think I really care for this girl and I thought the next few words would be her breaking up with me.Luckily when I asked her where she wants to go from here, she was willing to carry on the relationship with me but I would have to work hard to build that trust back up. I completely understand but being a guy I just get confused into the kind of things I'm going to have to do.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2012): Look at other questions on this site and you will see how people feel when they are told lies about their partners sexual past. Quite often it isn't really something a couple should worry about but in your case you need to tell her, the sooner the better!
Leave it too long and she might not forgive you, wait until after you've had sex with her and she will never want to see you again as it will seem like you lied just to get her to have sex and it hasn't meant anything. It will probably hurt her that in the time you were getting to know her, and she was beginning to get feelings for you, you were able to sleep with two other girls! Be prepared for her to question just how much you cared for her and liked her if you were able to do that!
No one can give you an insight into how she will react because we don't know her, if it were me I'd be really hurt but she may get mad, be upset or not care-you won't know until you tell her.
Finally, I hope you used protection with those other girls and if not go see a doctor and get checked out for diseases and infections too!
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A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (10 April 2012):
So Very Confused is right.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (9 April 2012):
 I'll say this -- do not even think about sex with her until you come clean.
Heh...you're in some hot water, I think you know. You were seeing this girl (getting to know her, you said), so she was thinking you were beginning a relationship with her, yet WHILE YOU WERE TALKING TO HER, you slept with two other women.
You do realize how that's going to hurt her, right? This isn't just about lying and saying you were a virgin. This is about telling her that you were sleeping around while letting her think that you were interested in her.
You say that you didn't know why you lied to her. I can kinda see why you did though. She views sex as this momentous thing -- giving away herself to you. For her, I'm guessing that it's because she *is* a virgin, and might see you as viewing sex as a statistic -- and you didn't want her to think that you just wanted to notch your bedpost with yet another conquest and thus turn her off.
So come clean to her. Don't even think about sleeping with her until you do. If you hold off until you got in her pants while lying to her, then you *are* a dick. So, it's time to own up to what you did, because I bet that if you found out that she was lying to you about the number of men she slept with, you'd consider it a serious betrayal, especially if you had slept with her.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (9 April 2012):
 Honestly, how I would feel. Nothing. But I would hold off the sex until it will feel special, so she won't think you are using her to gain experience. If possible just let her think you are a virgin and not talk about sex until much later. Bad luck if she and her friends gossip a lot, and try to find information behind your back. Okay if she is not popular and no one would ever find out.
Stop talking and thinking about it. If you mention the two girls she is going to feel unspecial, like you have something to brag about. If the two girls meant nothing then stop giving importance to it. Make the first night extra special. Don't fake your sensations. Just be natural with it.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (9 April 2012):
Why yes you do sound like a real dick.
But that’s ok… see men place way more importance on virginity than women do… at least from what I can tell of human nature…
The fact that you slept with these girls while you were getting to know your current GF is a bit touchy…
The fact that you bald faced lied to her is the problem. “I want you to be my first..” WHY would you compound the issue with this fib???
When I was young and foolish I would have forgiven you…
You need to eat some serious crow my young friend.
Come clean TONIGHT! NOW. Face to face ….. somewhere quiet and private…. And expect her to be MAD for a few days at minimum.
IF she dumps you… accept it for what it is… a strong lesson on the merits of telling the truth.
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