A
female
age
36-40,
*ureshores19
writes:I'm 21 and have been with my boyfriend for 2 years now. We live together and have a little chihuahua that we both adore like nothing else. Sometimes my boyfriend can be so sweet and I can't believe I'm so lucky to have a boyfriend like him. But most of the time, he's a total prick. My mother and all my friends think I should leave him immediately and never look back. He never counts my opinion for anything (like tonight, i told him i can't sleep when he's out drinking with his friends because I'm worried they'll get in a crash, etc and could he please not go out because we were already out all night and i have college in the morning) so where is he? at the strip club after telling me he wants to break up because im possessive. im supposed to be gone when he gets home. but we break up like this all the time! i spend a night at my moms, he emails and calls trying flattering and begging on his knees apology and i go back because by then im missing him and only remembering the good things. i never see my friends and when i do its only the ones he approves of and we hang out as a group, because even though hell deny this, when i go to hang out with my other friends he gives me a hard time and its always a fight. and male friends? omg. i havent seen any of my male friends since my bf and i started dated. i dont even try. theres no point. yet, he has an msn list full of girls that are just friends that hit on him all the time, etc and thats apparently different somehow. anyways, basically i hate every little thing about him, i hate how he treats me, hes just a huge asshole 90% of the time and the 10% he good isnt good enough anymore. but no matter how many times i leave or no matter what he does, i just cant seem to leave him for good.... i guess thats sort of a question... what do you think?
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female
reader, angelblueeyes  +, writes (16 October 2007):
 Hi,
I am sorry if anything i say offends you but this is what i think.
This bloke is a self obsessed controlling idiot, i can't believe that you have put up with that for 2 years, he does not deserve to have your love and respect when he clearly has none for you i say if you respect yourself get out while you can make a grab for the dog and keep walking,
All relationships need a 50/50 split to work him doing as he pleases and you doing as you told is not the way it is.
He needs a doormat not a g/f!!
A
female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (16 October 2007):
Well there is no doubt in my mind that you should leave your bf for good!
And I think you know this. Your head knows that you deserve better and the way hes treating you is wrong and should not be accepted. However something is holding you back, and my guess would be insecuirties, a fear of being alone?
Your bf seems to have double standards. Its ok for him to control you by not letting you see all your friends and not having contact with male friends, yet hes allowed ot have 100 females on his msn list..and then he accuses you of being controlling when you want him to stay home one night becuase you will be worried about him. Thats not right. He lacks respect for you, yet expects you to give him respect and let him do whatever he wnats.
I was in a similar situation to you about 3 or so months ago. I had an abusive bf. I knew I shoudl leave him, buttttt I just felt like I couldnt. What it came down to was me being in love with the ideal version of my bf (so forgeting all the bad things and only remmebering the good things), as well as my own inseucurities. I became dependent on him to make me feel good. So without my bf I felt worthless. However despite all this I managed to break up with him with the support of my family and friends. Sure it was hard at first and I felt like I was worthless, however, i got through it and now I have a healthy level of self esteeem. I know I am worth alot and I beleive it truly. I dont need a bf to make me feel liek that.
I think you need ot write a list of ALL the horrible things hes done. Tell him its over. And then everytime he tries ot get back with you bring out the list and read over it. Also get some help with any insecuities you may have. Tell your friends and family to help you out. Everytme you feel like geting back with him, ring them, and they will assure you staying away is the right decision. The temptation to get back with him will be there for a while, but it WILL go away.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2007): This guy is a totally jealous control freak, and your relationship is all one-way traffic in his direction.
If I were you I'd take the advice of your mother and your friends and kick him into touch. As for the dog, I know that this is a common bond between you, I've got one myself and she's like our little baby who I'd be heartbroken to be separated from. But I suspect the dog means more to you than he does, so take the dog with you when you go and don't look back.
You know what you need to do, so just pluck up the courage and go your own way, and leave him free to visit all the strip clubs he wants.
Phil
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