A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I just can't seem to make my husband happy. We moved a million miles from our hometown a year ago because he wanted to. I quit my high paying job to stay at home with the kids and left my family behind. My family doesn't feel welcome to visit because of his attitude with them; he asked me to make them leave when they came to help while I was in the hospital. His family visits regularly and one brother lived with us for three months without my husband talking to me about it. HE hates all my old freinds and won't meet any of my new freinds. He wants all of my attention when he is home. He gives me enough money to pay the bills and get groceries every week and that is it. The rest of our money he takes for himself. We have two kids and I have one more from before. He is very strict with all of them . We don't agree on that. I don't feel respected and neither does he. I just don't know what to do to save things and make our relationship worth it.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (7 August 2007):
 I meant I hope that's NOT going on here. I'm a lousy typist.
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (6 August 2007):
The first thing a control freak does is to eliminate his partner's outside contacts. He moved you from your family, your co-workers, and your friends. Next is to limit the money so you have to seek him out for everything. He wants all your attention even if it means taking it away from the children. Many control freaks are also violent and abusive, I hope that's going on here. Anyway, he's the one with the huge problem and it's more than just disrespect for you, it's a mental illness. He will never get any better unless he gets professional counseling. Most control freaks don't see the problem so if he won't seek counseling then you will have to decide if you want to spend the rest of your life living like this.
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A
female
reader, Midge  +, writes (6 August 2007):
 I hate to say it, but if there is a total lack of respect on his part, and he isnt willing to change, then unfortunately it isnt going to work.
He sounds as if he has zero respect for you and your needs. It seems that life must revolve around him, and that is just a NO NO!!!!
Marriage is a 50/50 highway, and there isnt any room for adjusting that figure. If he isnt prepared to give a little and do some of the things you want to do, then what is the point in trying to make the relationship work. You will never be happy, and kids know if their parents arent happy and this in turn will affect them.
I strongly suggest you speak to him and tell him how you feel! If he wont listen or isnt prepared to make adjustments and sacrifices to get that 50/50 highway started, then you will always be the one giving and him being the one taking! And trust me when I say, that is NO way to live!!!
You have done everything he has asked, and received nothing in return. Its not right and never will be!
I dont get any gratification out of telling you this, but if he isnt prepared to give, then I hate to say that your best bet would be to leave him and move back to your family where you have support and where you will have some financial assistance from family and friends.
Perhaps you leaving him will make him think about what he has lost, and make him try a little harder to understand. Perhaps family counselling would be a good call, but you both have to want it, not just one of you!
Keep me up to date on what your plans are!
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