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male
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*cottclark82
writes: My girlfriend and I are the quintessential right brain/left brain couple. I was a Math major in college, while she majored in English literature. She's very good in the spoken/written word, while I'm more of a numbers guy. Well, a few days ago we were having an argument. We don't argue that often, it was just a particular issue that came up, and it got pretty heated. I found myself getting frustrated because I couldn't match her verbally. She said something that really irritated me but it wasn't in any way a personal attack. It had to do with me buying a chair that she thought was uncomfortable. I lost my cool and fired back with a low blow. I said something like "well you have an ample natural cushion, so I can't see why its a problem". She was immediately taken aback with my comment and I could tell I hit a nerve. She was speechless for a moment, and then she stepped forward, slapped my face and walked away. I tried to apologize, but she gave me the silent treatment.In reality, she's not heavy at all; she just has a classic, hourglass figure, and is blessed with a full, shapely derriere. However, for some reason she is self conscious about it. I know its a cardinal sin to make insulting comments about a woman's figure, so I hope I haven't done irreparable harm here. However, I do think I really hurt her feelings. How should I go about apologizing to her?Scott Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Lemonpixie  +, writes (16 November 2006):
 Honestly if you can beg, grovel, kiss her feet. Woen don't get over things like that... At least any that i know of including myself... my ex once said I had a weird shaped nose, and i was always self concious about it after that. When he would go to kiss it i would cringe thinking to myself "ugh he hates it" After awhile he would say its the cutest nose, it's so unique blah blah blah that would go in one and out the other, I just felt he was making up for it's faults... Granted my other boyfriends have loved my nose i still get a twinge of insecurity everyonce in awhile. When you love someone insults stick with you. He never really apologized, he said sorry but that wasnt enough... I needed him to really mean it. Not laugh it off... So as i said beg, grovel, and kiss her feet do whatever you have to to make her feel better, oh and on another note NEVER break up with someone in public! Silly boy! Good luck, I hope she is more forgiving than most women
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2006): Obviously, you need to apologize. The way to make it work is to tell the truth.
Your gf needs to understand that your asanine comment wasn't about her at all -- it was about you. She doesn't get that right now. Or maybe on some level she does, but it'll help to hear you acknowledge it. You need to suck it up and explain to her that you feel outmatched by her verbally sometimes, and particularly in that argument, you just felt like, even though you had strong ideas, you couldn't get them out. Like you were losing. And you know that's a really awful thing (b/c you do know that relationships aren't supposed to be abt winning and losing), but you're human and you couldn't help it, and in that moment, you just sort of wanted to cut her down a bit to get yourself back on top.
You need to acknowledge, openly and honestly, the real depth of what it is that you did. Yeah, you told her she has a fat a**, but it's more than that. You said it for the purpose of hurting her, b/c she was hurting you. Which is completely unacceptable, but if you're repentant, may warrant more mercy than just you being a jerk.
And then, expect to spend a lot of time reassuring her about how beautiful you think she is and how great you think she looks. B/c doubtless her self-confidence, at least in the relationship w/ you, has taken a hit, and since your comment is to blame, if you're invested in this, you ought to put in the effort to help her recover.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2006): A women will never forget something like that, no matter if she says she forgives you or not, a man can tell his wife that he thinkgs she is beautiful everyday over a 5 year period but say he calls her ugly once or twice or makes comments that her legs are fat or her nose is big, she will never forget that no matter how much you go on about how beautiful she is. if my man had of said that to me i would have left him on the spot. all you can do is say sorry and tell her that you where felling frustrated, and that you did not mean the comments, although she will probably never believe you ever again when you say she is good looking, you dont really have a choice
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male
reader, scottclark82 +, writes (14 November 2006):
scottclark82 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHello folks. Thanks for your responses. You've provided some good advice, and I wanted to get back to you. To answer one poster's question about why I said such a hurtful thing, I don't really have a good explanation. She was winning the argument, and I was getting more and more frustrated, so I lashed out with a low blow.
As for the slap, I don't think it was such a big deal. She is not a violent person, and it only stung for a little while. If anything, I felt far more ashamed than physically hurt. But, I am bit concerned that I might be losing my touch with the ladies since its the second time in the past year that I've gotten my face slapped by a woman, LOL. The previous scenario involved a breakup with my former girlfriend in a public setting...another poor choice on my part.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2006): honestly i would have slapped you too.
especially as she was making no personal attack on you...
why did you react so hurtfully and harshly?
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (14 November 2006):
 Apologise, but I'd be slightly more concerned with her slapping you. I think she owes you an apology as well.
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female
reader, kellyO  +, writes (14 November 2006):
 Hi Scott,
I am afraid u went to a no go area here. The last thing u want to do is insult a woman figure.
I am afraid u just have to keep trying to apologise to her. Tell her u didnt mean it that way and explain to her what u said here. You should try to do this in person that over the phone.Go to her house if possible, or if i know how events go to where u will likely meet her. Trying getting her favourite things be it flowers, chocolate, poems.... something that will make her soften towards you so that she can listen to what u have to say.
I do hope it works out for you. keep me posted.
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