A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello im a 36 year old woman in a long distance relationship with a 48 year old man. He's in NY and im in GA but, he is planning on relocating to Ga to be with me. But sometimes things dont go so well between us, he accused me on two different occasions of messing with another guy. I have never messed around on him and I told him I didn't do anything wrong. He told me he knows im a good woman he just has trust issues. I get very hurt when we fall out because he wont speak to me and I have never done the things he accused me of. We usually talk everyday and every night but this pass Wednesday, I called and texted him but I got no answer, and he didnt call back. I know one day isnt a long time but its really odd because we speak everyday! Im hoping nothing is wrong. Im just starting to feel like he's playing games. Help!
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female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (10 January 2014):
 He is accusing you without any reason or evidence?
You came from an abusive relationship, but if you move on with this guy you are going to have a CONTROLLING and DISTRUSTFUL partner.
He will NOT believe that you aren't cheating, if he is CERTAIN of it (in his mind) then to him you MUST be cheating.
Not at all healthy.
And when you said, he was supposed to have moved but something came up with his family, who in his family? His mom? The "ex" wife? the kids? Who ?
Maybe it's a good thing, because he sounds unstable.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (10 January 2014):
 "he was supposed to move here last month but something came up with his family"
well then that's a big sign that it's not a good relationship. A plan to move to be with your SO should be set in stone... if he was able to NOT move that means he was able to extend his lease. IF he lives with family members then that's a HUGE red flag.
calling you 15 times in one day is not healthy nor does signify love. It reeks of control and insecurity. This is not healthy.
You say you met at walmart. How often have you spent time together. How much time have you been together in one batch (a long weekend is very different from 2 weeks)
I'm getting some bad feelings about this whole thing now.
He does not sound stable or healthy for you and your question speaks to your gut feeling that something is wrong somewhere....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2014): You've been in an abusive marriage and you don't want to go through that again?
Well, this is your wisdom kicking in from prior experience telling you this isn't right.
He is either controlling or cheating or has severe issues if he struggles with the idea of you cheating every night.
Whatever his reasons may be, he is already causing you emotional distress with all these accusations.
Walk away now and thank your lucky stars you saw the signs this time.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2014): He was suppose to move here last month but, something came up with his family. I have never cheated on him and he has no need to think that way. He gets suspicious but I dont know why! I answer all his calls, he calls me daily all day, the other day he called fifteen times. We met at a walmart and everything seemed wonderful but as the months went by he started telling me of trust issues and how he fights thoughts of me cheating every night! He says he loves me and I feel I love him too. Sometimes I just get so confused, I have been in a abusive marriage and I dont want to go through that again...help!
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A
female
reader, KC12 +, writes (9 January 2014):
 Sorry you are going through this. I am going to start by telling you what I tell a lot of other people (including myself). If you're being accused of cheating, and you are not...then it's a good sign that he is the one doing the cheating. Maybe the biggest trust issue is that you are trusting him too easily...? Being that this is a long-distance relationship, how can you be sure he's not cheating too? I realize though that it's hard to build that trust, when you are so far away from each other. Besides all of that, it seems that he might be rather domineering and controlling...and maybe he IS playing a game in order to control you. It doesn't sound like a good way to start a relationship, and I think you should reconsider this situation before he moves to GA to be with you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2014): You're having a "long-distance relationship" with a man with admitted "trust issues!!!" How is that possible?
You don't form committed relationships with middle-aged men well over forty, who tell you they have trust issues.
That is a red-flag blaring in your face. You're inviting this guy to move near you, so you can localize his insecurities.
My dear, did you fall and bump your head?
Is there a shortage of intelligent, secure, and available men in Georgia?
Or a shortage of insecure older men with trust issues?
I'm sorry but this relationship of yours is a little scary.
How did you meet? Have you ever met in-person? How long have you known him?
It sounds like you are inviting a total stranger into your life without knowing a thing about him.
Care to share more details? Then I'll be able to tell you if his lack of response is a good thing or not.
My dear, I feel this guy senses your gullibility and loneliness. I think you got involved over the internet; and you don't have a clue whom you're dealing with. You take his jealousy to mean he cares a lot. He could be a total nut!
I think your fear and gut feeling urged you to write.
You ask if he's playing games?
What you really want to know is if he might be crazy?
I think what you feel in your gut is correct! He's a picnic basket short of a few sandwiches! Maybe I'm wrong, he fell and hit his head!
If he has all your vitals, there isn't much we can say.
Don't be too quick to commit to a man who isn't officially your boyfriend; but accuses you of cheating.
On what evidence is he basing his suspicion? Are you sure he isn't already in Georgia?
I think he's warning you that he can be jealous and possessive. I think you have given him all the signs of vulnerability he needs to know who'll be calling the shots. He is being intimidating and accusatory. HUGE RED-FLAGS!!!!
I'm quite uncomfortable about this situation. Please provide more details.
Your mother didn't raise a fool. If he makes you feel uneasy, shut it down immediately!
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (9 January 2014):
are you usually the one who initiates contact or is it more balanced?
I also hae to ask how long you have been together and how often you get together.
are there other things that are issues?
why would you think that one day of no contact is game playing
when my hubby and I were LDR dating if I had not heard from him or he did not answer the phone I didn't think he was playing a game or lying or cheating I worried something had happened to him.... your first thought is he's playing games....
there's more to this story than you are sharing....
when is he planning to move?
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