A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have only had one girlfriend in the past which was a LDR from my state to another state, a 14 hour drive. I was with my ex from the age of 19-24 and we had a lot of ups and downs. I was going through a bad time in my personal life with the death of my mother and alcohol taking its toll. I was not a good boyfriend and I know I hate my ex a lot. We saw each other around once a month but I loved her more than I had ever loved anyone.She broke up with me 2 years ago and blocked all contact. I have got much better and have reached out to her on many occasions however she has always ignored me.I realise looking back, I acted terribly and I miss her every day. I only would want to know her as a friend but I don't know how to stop beating myself up over the past.It hurts more than I can explain knowing she doesn't care about me and the recovery that I have made. I should let it go, but I can't.I have tried everything but she simply pretends I am dead.I cannot move on with my life, all I want is to show her that I am completely different and that yes, I was a mess then, but now I am changed.
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broke up, move on, my ex Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2016): Thank you all for your comments. I am a better person and have strived towards being that and I appreciate your answers.
A
female
reader, allthatjazz +, writes (17 April 2016):
 I have exactly someone like you in my life. Its been 18 years, we have families of our own, but he just can't let go. I don't get it, really. All I can tell you, for your sake, is that there's no point in convincing her because maybe she has moved on or has made a lot of progress in that direction. I'm sure you've apologised and that's all there really is to it. It seems that you have yet to forgive yourself. Do that, keep moving forward and be the best man you can be in your next relationships.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2016): "all I want is to show her that I am completely different and that yes, I was a mess then, but now I am changed."She doesn't care if you've changed, as she has made abundantly clear to you; that's her prerogative, and an eminently sensible one. My only question to her would be why did she put up with you for five years? Actions have consequences over which you have no control. You were a terrible boyfriend so she dumped you and cut you out of her life, which was an entirely reasonable response. If you continue to attempt to contact her then you're likely facing the prospect of a restraining order, if not incarceration or commitment to a mental institution. If you loved so much as you proclaim, then you would honor her wishes and get lost. If you cannot move on with your life then I suggest you seek counseling to get to the roots of your obsessive behavior and come to terms with the reality that your ex wants nothing to do with you and that's something you can't change.Hopefully you will eventually learn from your mistake and avoid repeating it. Otherwise won't have changed at all.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (17 April 2016):
 It's great that you have changed, good for you. But that doesn't mean your ex GF owes you squat. Or that she cares. And you have NOTHING to prove to her.
What ever changes you made should be for YOURSELF not for her. To make yourself a better person, a better man.
STOP trying to force contact. She has every right to NOT want anything to do with you... whether you like it or not.
Be proud that you FINALLY started working on yourself and KEEP working on yourself. And accept, that SHE is not interested, not in the old you or the new you. YOU need to let her go, move on and find someone who will be a good match for you. SHE isn't it.
Focus on the here and now and the future, stop looking to the past. YOU are not going that direction.
Chin up and move on.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2016): OP here - I know my ex hates me a lot. I wish she could see how different I am. Struggling to deal with this.
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