A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:At 22 I have now found myself in a relatively new yet wonderful relationship, my first 'mature' partnership since school and college flings. My worry is a commonly asked question, why can't I orgasm? The sex is great, I used to fear sex due to previous guys rushing and not being loving as we were out of a relationship however now I find myself in the perfect situation where the sex is good, he is understanding and we work through everything he is understandably finding it difficult that he can't give me an orgasm. I personally think its because i'm still a little self conscious during sex, due to thin walls I have always been quiet during sex which has stopped me fully relaxing etc. I have never had an orgasm from penetration and I am finding it difficult to explain to him/ understand myself so we can solve the problem together.I was wondering if anyone had advice on the matter, perhaps been through it themselves? Any input would be great!
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (25 April 2016):
 A lot of people condition themselves to be quiet during sex because of shared accommodation, try not to worry about that side of things. If you are able to orgasm yourself them just show him how to do that, if sex doesn't work for you, ensure that their is plenty of foreplay. If he is unsure what works for you then show him and tell him when it feels good.
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (16 April 2016):
 Can you get yourself off?
If you can, maybe show your BF what works for you.
80% of women don't orgasm from penetrative sex, so if THAT is "all" you two do sex-wise it might be you are one of the women who don't orgasm that way.
The reason MOST women don't orgasm from penetrative sex is that, the majority of nerve endings (that help us orgasm) are in the clitoris NOT the vagina. And the reason for that is.. Well, think about it. The vagina has to be able to stretch to accommodate a child during childbirth and if we had all our nerve ending in the vagina it would be a million time as pain to give birth as it is now.
So what your BF needs to learn is HOW to please you with fingers/tongue/external vibrator on the clitoris.
I can suggest you read the book : Tickle Your Fancy: A Woman's Guide to Sexual Self-Pleasure by Sadie Allison.
She has written quite a few good "how too" books when it comes to sex.
And once YOU have read it, let your BF read it. He obviously is a little ignorant on the "how women REALLY orgasm" knowledge.
One of our aunts explained the issue like this (and I think it's a brilliant way for men to REALLY understand the issue). If you ONLY tickle a guys nuts he is not going to orgasm either, same for SOME women with the vagina. Men have their nerve endings in the tip of the penis (which really is the "same" as our clitoris biologically).
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