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female
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*andering Eye
writes: Hi there, I'm 23, and have been dating my boyfriend for over four years. I love him so much. He's great and he treats me awesome. I can really see us together once I've saved enough to buy house and a car in a few years.The only problem is, I keep developing these crushes on other guys. I've cheated on my boyfriend with a friend, who I had a crush one. It happened over a year ago and I confessed, and things seems to be back to normal. But, I feel another crush coming on.I'm I decent person and I have good values and the last thing I want to do is hurt my boyfriend. I just feel as though I have no control when it comes to men. It's like my mind tells me one thing, but I can't resist my instincts. I've always been obsessed with boys ever since I can remember.I feel like this is a re-occuring problem and I don't know what to do to resist it. Could it be that I'm too immature to be in a relationship? That I haven't found the right guy? Or, that I love the thrill of the chase? What's wrong with me and why can't I be happy with what I've got?Any help would be much appreciated.Thank you,Wandering eye
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female
reader, Wandering Eye +, writes (3 June 2006):
Wandering Eye is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your advice. Most of the things you have suggested are things I have already gone through and I have decided to stay with my boyfriend. It just seems weird I should have to go through the same thing over and over again. Physically, it's tough too. I have dreams that I cheat on my boyfriend and have had these dreams since the start of our relationship. It's just a whirlwind of confusion. I keep telling myself that every relationship dwindles, but I'm not sure my attraction to other men is a side effect of dwindling or what.Anyhow, thanks again! Take care.
A
female
reader, hannieseds  +, writes (3 June 2006):
 Hey there Wandering Eye...
I think that you need to have a serious talk to yourself. Put this scenerio in your head: you act on one of your 'instincts' and cheat on your boyfriend again, only this time when you fess up, he doesn't forgive you but runs a mile never to be heard of again. Does that thought of losing him almost rip your heart out of your chest? If you love this man as much as you say you do, and 4 years is a bloody good foundation, then yes, you shouldn't be having these thoughts.
It is human nature to notice the opposite sex, even when you are in a loving relationship, but if you truely love this man, then that is all it would be - you wouldn't be having these strong urges to cheat on him.
The grass isn't always greener and my guess is that you wouldn't be happier if you lost him.
You have to be honest with your man and fight the urges you have as hard as you possibly can - if you find that you can't, then do the decent thing and end it with him. It is not at all fair on him for you to be feeling like this.
My suggestion to you is (yes, I'm a big fan of writing things on paper, puts everything in perspective) make a list of all the things you love about your man. Think about all the things that drive you wild about him, the nice things he does for you etc. Have a good read over that list and think about all the things you wrote down - would you be happier if you lost it all?
Then write another list of all the things your man doesn't have/do that you wish he did - are these things he lacks what drives you to look elsewhere? Compare and contrast the lists and go from there.
I think you just need to put everything in perspective. xxx
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