A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, everyone. I'm a really insecure person. I have a boyfriend whom I really love, and I suppose I should trust him. But my boyfriend is a really popular guy among the girls and many girls just tend to fall hard in love with him. They don't even hesitate to go for him despite knowing he already has a girlfriend.And the thing is, my boyfriend is an open minded person and doesn't mind making friends with other girls. He is also very nice and polite and will continue conversations with other girls unless they ran out of topic.Because of this, I find myself growing insanely jealous of his mere contact or conversation with any girl and I feel insecure all day, all night. Whenever I'm with him, I cannot resist myself to check his phone secretly to see if he text messaged any other girl. When I'm not with him and he's online on Whatsapp, I find myself scrolling through every single contact in my phone list to see who's online too and try to guess who he's talking to. And this has become a bad habit that whenever I get to use my friends' phones, I will scroll through their phone list to see if they contacted my boyfriend.I am literally going crazy because of my insecurities. I really love him and I do want to trust him, but I am an inferior person, and he is just a perfect man compared to me a weakling. I don't know what I should do, is there some way I can crawl out of my insecurities? But I'm afraid he would leave me or be angry with me if I tell him about my problems and that I've been using his phone secretly. Please help, I will really appreciate it thank you.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (7 December 2012):
 oh honey when he falls off that Perfect man pedestal life will be so much easier.
Let's start with this:
would a perfect man saddle himself with an inferior woman? I think not.
What should you do? I'm a huge believer in self-growth and you strongly need to see a competent therapist to work on your lack of self-esteem.
Jealousy is totally rooted in insecurity and it will ruin your relationship if you do not get both of those negative emotions under control and quickly. It becomes very wearing on a person to deal with someone who beats themselves up day in and day out.
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (7 December 2012):
 YOU need to work on your insecurities you can not expect him to fix that for you.
Also this is not just about you being insecure, it's also about trust and control. YOU need to find a way to learn to trust your bf - because without the trust there is YOU doing crazy things such as going on a fishing expedition to try and figure out who he talks to. THAT is not healthy.
If you really were such an inferior person, do you really think your BF would want to be with you? My bet is no. He is with you because he find attractive, interesting, maybe funny and sweet and all kind of things. STOP focusing on the negative about yourself and TRY and stop yourself from OVER-THINKING situations and STOP making up scenarios in your head as to whom he might talk to and what they are saying.
My guess is one of the things you fell for when you met your BF was his outgoing personality - and now that he is with you - you want to stifle that?
YOU need to work on YOU.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2012): You have to trust him. I wouldn't confront him. Trust him until he gives you a reason not to. And stop looking at his texts and conversations.. Your just driving yourself crazy. You shouldn't put him through hell because your insecure. Try doing things that make you feel more secure about yourself. Like talking to other people or other guy friends. Dressing up and or going out, Having a good time. Just remember your the one he chose over all the other girls and there is a reason why he chose you. Be proud and hold your head up high! Don't give him a reason to change his mind. If your jealous it will just push him away.. I know what I'm talking about I was the same way and still kind of am.. And now because of my insecurities I hurt him a lot and we might not be together.
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