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I have a tiny group of friends. I find it difficult to bond with people. How can I learn to enjoy life more?

Tagged as: Family, Friends, Health, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (1 April 2017) 6 Answers - (Newest, 6 April 2017)
A female United Kingdom age 26-29, anonymous writes:

I have a tiny group of friends from school consisting of 3 girls...

One of them has had a baby and rarely comes out which I totally understand and I visit her when I can.

The other two work or go to uni and tend to go out a bit

I found lately that the two who go out a lot have stopped inviting me out. It started when my little sister who is about my age was at the same event as us one night. I don't think my friends like my sister and therefore they left me alone to talk to her.

After that night, my friends haven't really invited me out to any events they are going out too. And it hurts me. I break down in tears and hide away in my bedroom.

I feel I have some sort of social anxiety as

I find meeting new people really uncomfortable and the thought of going to any groups (like dancing or art, hobbies) alone freaks me out.

I know I should be doing these things but still I find it so difficult to make that bond with people.

In my area, the groups avavilable mainly consist of older family ladies.

I'm just at a point in my life where I think: I'm 22 and I have no friends. I literally spend my nights alone in my house.

I should be out having fun and making the most of my life but I'm alone.

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland +, writes (6 April 2017):

aunt honesty agony auntYou have a sister similar in age, therefore you have a friend for life. Do more with your sister. Also talk to your two friends and tell them how left out you feel, your an adult now and so are they so hopefully they will soon realize how hurtful they have been to you.

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A female reader, mad stacey United Kingdom +, writes (3 April 2017):

I bet they have invited you and you have turned them down with out really realising so they think its pointless asking you so when they go out get in there and ask to go with them .... Make more effort with the friend with the baby I bet mum would love so company carnt beat a gossip wine and take away .you also say you went out with your sister so go out with her meet people that way

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom + , writes (2 April 2017):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntSadly this seems to happen a lot in friendships which involve 3 people - 2 tend to drift off together. It is not a reflection on YOU, just that THEY want to spend their time with each other. Once your other friend had a baby, the dynamics of the friendship group changed and these two girls drifted together.

If you still want to stay friends with them, there is nothing to stop you taking the initiative and contacting them to suggest you all meet up. It sounds a bit like you leave them to make the arrangements and just fit in with what they arrange. Perhaps they are just fed up of you never taking the initiative and think you don't care about their friendship? (Just wondering as I have been in the same position with friends in the past, where they were ok if I contacted them and suggested meeting up but, if I didn't contact them, they would not make the effort to contact me, which just led me to believe they didn't think I was worth making an effort for so, in the end, I just let the friendships expire naturally.)

Of course meeting new people - especially on your own - can be daunting. Not everyone is able to walk into a group of strangers and feel comfortable. However, school age friendships often have a natural expiry date, simply because people change and move on with their lives, often in completely different directions to other members of the group. Do you work? Are there people at work you can go out with? (Again, don't wait to be asked but do the asking.) If you are not working, how about volunteering? This will not only help you meet new people but will also look good on your CV for future employers.

I guess the bottom line is: don't wait for things to land in your lap but go out and make them happen, whatever your situation.

Good luck.

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A female reader, Slippers  United Kingdom +, writes (2 April 2017):

You have a younger sibling not much younger than you .. honestly and your pinning over girls who sorry don't .. deserve it and secondly don't give a cwap about you.

So here my advice, get your glad rags on .. dress up and you and your sister hit the town . Even if they don't like your sister . Friends are normally polite due to the fact they don't wish to offend their friend . I don't believe they left you because your sister was there . I think they have been looking for away to drop you and they have .

By going out with your sister; you will meet other girls I did the same .. you will be able to relax dance chat and make new friends .. also start s new Hobby get your sister to join as well .

Leave these girls to it . You shouldn't have to beg for friendship .. your worth more much more than that s

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A female reader, Xxnicolexx United States +, writes (2 April 2017):

I'm 24, I feel the same way exept I have no friends at all :(

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2017):

I think you need to try and force yourself to go to a group or class to try and make new friends. If you're not comfortable going by yourself would your sister maybe come with you to the first session just so the first time you don't feel awkward. Once you've been a couple of times the anxiety will wear off.

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