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I have a huge crush on the perfect girl but we're both in relationships. Should I still get her number in case we break up with our partners in the future?

Tagged as: Crushes, Dating<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (16 May 2018) 7 Answers - (Newest, 20 May 2018)
A male United Kingdom age 26-29, anonymous writes:

Im in a class with a girl, who when I first saw her thought she was pretty but didnt think much of it. As Ive got to know her a little better over the semester and she is so smart! Probably the most intelligent in the class. She honestly seems so perfect, but there has to be something about her that isnt perfect, right?

Ive tried to avoid her as much as I could since we both made it clear we have partners. I honestly have a big crush on her since Ive begun realising how intelligent and nice she is. What should I do? Grab her number before our class finishes in case we both split up in the future because I will probably never see her again.

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A female reader, Dionee' South Africa +, writes (20 May 2018):

Dionee' agony auntHonestly, you've fallen for a girl that you think is perfect (and you're right, everyone has something that is undesirable) and you think that it's okay to grab this girls number in case things don't work out with your current partner... good god... I don't even know what to say but I will say this, firstly, you should not be in your current relationship if you're already looking forward to it's demise (which you subconsciously are doing and this is selfish of you, by the way). Just break up with your current girlfriend if you find this other girl more interesting but do not string your girlfriend along while she keeps the seat warm for this other chick. It's wrong.

Next, leave this other girl be and do not, in any way, interfere with HER relationship just because you aren't fully invested in yours at the moment. She knows your sentiments and if she feels the same way, she will let you know but since the two of you have established that you are BOTH in relationships, steer clear and do not actively pursue her.

That's my advice.

Good luck.

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A female reader, femmenoir Australia +, writes (19 May 2018):

femmenoir agony auntNo, you should not maintain contact ongoingly, with this female classmate.

Why?

Because you know you want more than mere friendship.

You are both within respective relationships and even though you like this girl very much, it isn't fair whatsoever, to behave this way toward your current partner.

Ask yourself these questions and be honest with yourself,

Am i being respectful and fair toward my gf?

Do i have a "conscience" and do i have good "moral integrity"?

How would i feel, if i was totally crazy about my gf and i found out she'd done this to me?

Why do i remain with a person i'm not totally happy being with?

Why stay, if i am noticing "better" suitors elsewhere?

How do i live with this dishonesty?

Do i want to "intentionally" hurt my gf?

Does my gf deserve "better"?

So, so many questions, right?

You need to stop yourself from hurting other people, because ultimately, you are hurting yourself too.

I would strongly encourage you to think about ending your relationship with your gf, because surely you know she deserves better than this.

You CANNOT have your cake and eat it too.

It's either your gf, or NOBODY, UNTIL you find the right person for you and somebody you're truly happy to be with.

You CANNOT pursue a relationship with this other girl, because she's in a relationship and besides, you don't really know her at all.

What you see in the classroom may not be what you see outside of the classroom.

Sure she may be pretty and very smart, however, you don't know her on a very personal level and the fact that she's already "involved with somebody else" means you need to back off and remain respectful of that.

She's "off limits".

If you're unhappy with your current relationship, then you owe it to your gf and to yourself, to break it off with her and go out there and find somebody you feel a much deeper connection with and somebody better for you.

Whatever you choose to do, DO NOT DESTROY OTHER PEOPLE'S RELATIONSHIPS.

Just because you are very infatuated by this other girl, doesn't mean you should pursue her.

You are clearly "using" your current gf, UNTIL something better comes along.

Surely you know this is "wrong", so make an appropriate and respectful change.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2018):

Don't.

Not just because you risk being ridiculed if you decide to contact her in the future, but because by doing that you're telling yourself that you should stick with the life you don't appreciate (your' current GF), until (more likely IF) something better comes along.

If you don't like your life the way it is, change it.

Don't stay with soemone just because you don't have a better option. Create one. Be honest. Leave your gf and look for someone else. Because, it's not fair to her. I don't know what you have been telling her about how you feel and what you're wishes are, but I bet if you tell her what you told us, she won't be sticking around for much longer.

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A male reader, Code Warrior United States + , writes (17 May 2018):

Code Warrior agony auntYou forget about her, that's what you do. She will forget about you soon after the finals. If you contact her after you break up with your current GF some time in the future, then you'll just be some weird creeper she doesn't remember from her past.

I remember seeing one of those TV talk shows at the gym back when I was working out like crazy. In this show they would put people on who were going to reveal their deepest secrets. The guy on this particular episode intended to reveal a secret about his old girlfriend from back in college. He felt the same way about her that you do about this girl, only much stronger.

Anyway, they went their separate ways. He got married and had a couple of kids. However, over that time, he longed for his old girlfriend because they had something special and they were soul mates. He felt he was living a lie with his wife, so he went on this talk show to reveal his secret love for his old girlfriend from college.

The show got the old girlfriend to join the audience, apparently telling her that there was a secret to be revealed that involved her, but not telling her what it was. Since the guy was just one of 4 people revealing secrets that day, the girl didn't have a clue what her secret was going to be.

The guy told his story. The host of the show revealed to him that his dream girl was in the audience. The audience got very excited and the suspense was palpable. A group of us stopped working out to watch this.

The host went over to the girl and asked her to stand up. She was very, very confused, standing there in stunned silence. The guy went on to tell her how much he loved her and wanted to be together. He told her that he was planning to divorce his wife so they could be together. He poured his heart out to her on national TV. His wife and kids were surely going to see this at some point, but he didn't care. His old girlfriend from college was his soulmate and he was going to be with her again.

The host asked her what she had to say to the guy. She said: "I'm very sorry, but I don't remember you at all." The guy's face went pale, he was devastated. He had completely destroyed his life. He tried to get her to remember him, but she just kept apologizing and telling him that she dated lots of guys during college and doesn't remember most of them. Eventually, she remembered him, and said "we were never in a relationship, we only went on a couple of dates."

She then introduced her fiancee, who she had brought with her figuring it would be a fun free trip together never thinking that the secret might be something like this.

So, that's what I see happening to you should you indulge this fantasy any further. You're just temporary classmates, nothing more. Don't be that guy.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (17 May 2018):

Honeypie agony auntNo.

You should decide if the girl you are with now is someone you can see yourself with or not. If you can't END it with your GF.

She has a BF, so she SHOULD be off limits. Just like you shouldn't pursue her for "further use" "just in case you becomes single" WHO the F does that?!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2018):

Are you happy in your current relationship? Like, really actually happy (minus the usual tough stuff)?

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom + , writes (17 May 2018):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntNOBODY is perfect. You are putting this girl on a pedestal. This is understandable when you know next to nothing about her. However, people on pedestals are very vulnerable and come crashing down at the first sign of any imperfection.

How does she feel about you? Does she give any signs that she is attracted to you? Or is the attraction one sided?

You need to either concentrate on your relationship on end it, in fairness to your partner.

As for this girl, why not connect on social media before you go your separate ways? That way you can stay in contact socially.

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