A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:This is a really random question, but I've been dating my girlfriend for about two years now, and I'm not a big cell phone person. I believe that when you're in the company of other people, be it friends or especially your significant other, the phone should be put away out of general respect and courtesy. In my opinion, it's rude to have your phone out all the time while spending time together. My girlfriend on the other hand, will literally NOT put it down in my presense. It's always bothered me from day one. I've asked her to please tone it down some, but it never changes.There's an age difference between us. I'm 27 and she's 22. Maybe it's maturity. But she honestly doesn't believe there's anything wrong with spending time together while having her cell phone attached to her hand. And no matter how much I express it, she never does anything about it. In fact, she thinks I'm being controlling. But it literally makes me feel like she's more interested in her friends than in spending time with me. Also, if we ever have an argument, and I try to talk to her and communicate with her about it, she just picks up her phone and literally ignores me. How the heck does someone handle a situation like that? I love her, but we seem to be in two different places in life with maturity. It's driving me nuts! I hate to end a relationship over texting but I dont' know what to do anymore.
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male
reader, shawncaff +, writes (21 April 2011):
 I can't add much to what's been said--I agree with all of it. It's rude, it shows a lack of ability to be present in the here and now, and a general dependence on constant stimulation.
The only thing I would try to do before breaking up with her would be to ask her why she needs to do this and if there is some way to accommodate her--perhaps by not using the phone for 30 minutes or 45 minutes to wean her off it little by little. She might not be mature enough for this, but it might be worth a try. It's just that like any addiction it might be hard for her to break "cold turkey"--she might need your patience and help to stop, but she might just not be able to express that.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (21 April 2011):
 No, she is not immature, she is simply RUDE. My son is 21, he is no rocket scientist, but he does not do that. My niece is only 14, she does not do that either. They have grown up with the idea that when you are around people , you must be able to behave at least semi-decemtly. Your gf has not got this concept, and I doubt she can - or wants - to learn it now.
Would that be ground enough for dumping her ? It depends - if mutual respect and mutual courtesy are high on your priority list, surely yes.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (21 April 2011):
 that is rude. I love to text and I do it but not when my bf asks me not to. I actually put my phone on vibrate when I'm with him so I don't get all the alerts and messages... yes I miss a few things but they can wait.
If you have discussed it with her and she will not respect your wishes I think it may be time to end the relationship.
when i read the title i thought you were asking if it was ok to send a text to break up... it's not... but in this case maybe it's appropriate... (that was SARCASM btw for those folks who don't know my sense of humor)
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A
female
reader, Aunty Susie  +, writes (21 April 2011):
 Definitely, the girl is immature. But also, she does not seem to have any respect for you, or your wishes. I can't see this lasting, sorry.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2011): It drives me crazy when people do this too. I've had a couple interventions with friends, but I wouldn't be able to handle this with a partner.
It's not controlling, it's obnoxious. I think you might be doing her a favor in the long run by walking. I'm sure you're not the only one she does this too.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2011): You're absolutely right. It is extremely ill mannered to talk and text on a cell phone while in someone's company. Obviously I'm referring to conversational communications with others, not emergencies.
While your girlfriend is most definitely immature, the age difference is not the reason for her behaviour. She's demonstrated an appalling lack of courtesy.
You've said all you can say. Nothing has changed, nor does it appear that things will change in the foreseeable future. This isn't something you should just learn to live with. This is a valid reason to end the relationship.
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