A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hey guys im haveing money issues with my bf and im 17 and need advice. background info is im 17 turn 18 next month my boyfriend is 20. He had a rough life growing up parents on heavey drugs ended up in foster care for awhile. Hes been my bestfriend for about 2 years and we loved each other for along time before a relationship. He has a job but barely makes enough to get by on minimum wage with rent bills and food, for the holiday i gor 300 dollars and gave him 200 plus i have bought him lots of gifts and food when he needs it. The problem is he is not good with money and he admits it. We got into a fight because earlyer this week he dint have money for food and today he spent 50 dollars on a stupid videogame. It makes me not want to help him but then again im a nice person i hte seeing him struggle when i know i can help so i dont know wht to do about it? We love each other alot and besides money problems every thing is perfect and he has never even asked for my help but i help him because i love him i dont know how to teach him to handle money better he said sorry when i told him i was mad about it if i just keep letting him know that it upsets me will he get better at managing money? THank you
View related questions:
drugs, money Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Roxypuss  +, writes (17 February 2013):
I was in a relationship that broke down because my boyfriend was bad with and disrespectful with our money.Now a lot of people tend to expect things back when they give gifts and I don't really believe in that, however there's a limit. You're over-extending how much you're giving, ultimately this will make you resent his lack of appreciation. He'll come to grow used to it as anyone would and his desire to sort things out himself will splutter.He need to learn to take responsibility, now as a 21 year old I always thought that responsibility = blame, however admitting something is in your sole hands although scary is very empowering. As soon as he realises that things don't just happen to him he can shape them, then the world is his oyster. As for helping, we all need some help and support sometimes, and that's okay and if you feel like you want to help how about taking a different slant? What about giving him emotional support, forwarding him information or advice articles, asking him if he needs help with anything, maybe sending job adverts if you think he'd prefer a better job.
A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (17 February 2013):
 next time, don't GIVE him the money. simply take him and buy him what he needs. for example, if he needs food, take him to the store and buy it. if he needs to pay for his power bill, or cell phone bill, take him there and pay it. That way, you know exactly where your money is going. good luck.
...............................
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (17 February 2013):
 There are limits that one must place on themselves when they choose to be martyrs. It appears that YOU exceeded your limit.... wasting it on an unappreciative and VERY immature and irresponsible guy.....
Forget what has happened in the past..... and look clearly at what the future holds for you if you choose to spend any more of your time and resources trying to protect this guy from himself. It's NOT a pretty future-picture...
Move on from him...and make a better life, with him in your rear-view mirror....
Good luck...
...............................
A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (17 February 2013):
 You need to stop helping him. You aren't helping, you are enabling. He isn't even asking for money but you continue to bail him out. He has no incentive to be responsible with money because all he has to do is look a little pathetic and you come rushing in and help and his only penalty is to get in a little fight. Stop bailing him out, stop offering him money, and only then will he learn to manage his own money. Scolding him won't help because at the end of the day, that still means there's no penalty for going on a shopping spree when rent is due.
...............................
A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (17 February 2013):
He'll be a broke old man and no amount of complaining from you will change that, it'll just make him resent you.
What you can do is stop helping him financially. No food or money. If he's not willing to take care of himself you can't do it for him.
If you want to be with him you need to accept who he is. If you can't then you need to find someone who you're compatible with.
...............................
|
