A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Anyway starting right from the start was ages ago, in April I think when we were in the park and we were stealing each others phones and wrestling them off each other (in a nice way) I had his phone and we were carrying on, but when I went into pictures and he got all protective over it and grabbed it back and told me not to. Then I saw a quick flash of the phone and it was a naked girl, which at the time didn’t bother me much cause I thought it was some random celebrity or something. He deleted the picture, which he doesn’t know I saw then gave it back to me… I went into pictures and we were looking about, then I saw a couple of pictures of his penis, he laughed and said he got bored today and thought it was funny. This got me curious so the next time he left his phone I had a quick peak and was in his messages when I saw that him and some girl were sending each other messages with naked pictures attached… this was the night before my birthday so I decided to cheer up and sort of managed to deal with it. I went on holiday a few days later which wasn’t much fun because I kept wondering what he was doing and always had this idea he was cheating in my head… When I came back I had another look on his phone but there wasn’t much just him texting her asking for pictures but no replies… after thinking about it for a while I realised that he probably got her number from msn or the internet somewhere, but I didn’t know… the next time I was left with his laptop I had a look and saw there was someone called Jade on his msn list, when I got home I searched her on bebo and she did look like her, and even had the same kind of semi naked pictures on her bebo. I kept an eye on his phone from then. I wanted to know it had stopped… I now realise I was turning into a detective… the texts didn’t stop though and he was texting her asking to meet up with her on nights when I was away, there was no reply though. This was the worst bit cause then I knew he either had or wanted to sleep with her. Things were going on in my head that maybe since there was no reply on his phone they were both on msn and worked it out there and that maybe he had cheated. Before I was hoping it was just some stupid phone flirting-ness… this is when I should have said something to him I suppose but I didn’t want to admit all my snooping.But my snooping got worse as my paranoia got worse and I got the password for his emails and most of his accounts, he has a lot of accounts for dating websites and websites that you go on to find someone to have a one night stand with… I had a look about on most of them, there wasn’t much on them. He had been going on them more and more but there was nothing to say he had met up with any of the girls. I finally had a good look through his laptop and all his documents and more to the point his chat logs... I found that he was asking a lot of girls for pictures, to go on cam, meet up for sex, and leading questions to that… this is as far as it has got… don’t think ill be letting it get much further but I don’t know how to deal with it. I know I should say something but I don’t want to tell him I’ve been through all his stuff, and sad as it is if we stay together I don’t want to lose his password, I’d like to check up to make sure he had stopped. I do love him though... more that I even knew, I always said if someone cheated on me I would break up right away... but I don’t know if he has or not, it all depends on what exactly has happened. Its just messing up the whole relationship he thinks I keep getting annoyed at him over silly things but its not its cause I’m annoyed at him about all this and its making me have a short temper about anything else he does... I don’t want to just give up on us though, I still like spending time with him and I still love him we’ve been together 2 years and I don’t want it to end I just want it to get sorted.
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bebo , cheated on me, flirt, msn, nude pictures, on holiday, one night stand, text, the internet Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2008): Hi!
I think I know exactly how you feel. I am in a similar situation myself. My mistake was, I confronted my bf and let him know that I had been going through his laptop and phone. Now he doesn't even let me even go near them and now I have no way to find out what is going on in his life! So, I guess from my experiance what I can say is, wait patiently for more evidence to see whether he is actually cheating on you. When you are 100% sure that he is or has slept with someone, then I think you should just give hime a royal kick! You sound like a very sendible patient person. I'm sure you deserve to be treated well and respected for who you are. He is very lucky that you are not creating a big scene out of this.
Please be patient and have an open eye. It is always better to be ready to accept anything. Even if things get more difficult in the future, you will be able to handle it wisely, only if ytou are prtepared.
Good luck with your love life!
A
female
reader, calico  +, writes (15 September 2008):
 I am sorry that all this is happening to you w/ someone you really love. I know you said you want this to get sorted out between you two, but I must say..... you have got to put your foot down! No guy should get away w/ this and quite frankly, I would be searching through his phone too. He is playing w/ you and he knows damn well what he is doing to you. He knows that you are a nice person who doesnt want to break up and you dont want to stir up any problems between you two. But he is sooooo taking advantage of you... I cant tell you enough... you dont deserve this and you did absolutly nothing by looking through his phone... its for your own safety and knowledge that you did this.But you have got to end this....a guy like this has obviously got an issue w/ keeping his d*** in his pants, and I wouldnt trust him at all. Wouldnt you rather be w/ a guy who is going to treat you w/ respect? If he keeps messing around behind your back, and you keep giving in to him... your gonna end up really hurt... I can promise you that.
Please take my advice, hope things get better for you
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2008): Im sorry girl but it probally wont end. And you sound like a brainy woman with alot going for you. You dont deserve this leave him. I know u dont want to but u dont deserve what hes doing to you. You may love him. But he doesnt RESPECT you.
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