A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I asked my girlfriend does she prefer sex with me or masturbation and she said different. I tried to ask in what way but she couldn't say.That's made me feel quite bad and I've tried to past it tried to get past it but now don't think I want to keep dating her (up to recently a happy year)Really don't want to seem egotistical or arrogant but girls have always said I give amazing head and I've always thought sex was great. An example I mostly stop wen I'm near cumming to 'recover', lick her out and repeat. We sometimes use toys and I've thought that I've always tried to make sex great for her. I was hurt that she wouldn't even say how different.So yeh basically I'm asking for advice. Am I being silly leaving her? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (10 October 2012):
 Well, if she actually prefers masturbating over sex then that's quite another story. But again, it isn't about how good or bad you are in bed. If she genuinely prefers masturbation over sex that says something about her interest in sex in general. That maybe she has a low sex drive, doesn't like sex as often in general. You can be a super star in bed, but if the person you're with just isn't that interested in sex it wont matter how skilled you are. See what I mean?
Sex is important in a relationship. It isn't everything, but it matters a whole lot. So if you and her do not meet at some middle ground sexually, where you are both satisfied, then that is a problem. But if you are satisfied sexually, and she is satisfied sexually... why make a problem out of it?
The only way I would find it worrying if a partner prefered masturbation over me was if that meant I wouldn't be getting sex as much as I need it. It would be a problem only if I was getting turned down, because they would rather go masturbate. But as long as that isn't what is happening in your relationship I doubt you have a reason to worry.
Explain to her how it makes you feel, and what you're nervous about. Tell her you worry if you're good enough for her, or maybe you worry that you come second in the relationship (maybe she cares more about her own needs than yours?). Talk to her, figure it out. Don't make rash decisions.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (10 October 2012):
 ... Exactly, - so it has no relevance at all if other 200 girls said you give the best head ever or you are the greatest in bed. Only the current one counts.
My point was : unluckily you never achieve the status of " fantastic lover that has just to strut his stuff to rock anybody's world ". It's always a work in progress...don't rest on past laurels sexually- they don't mean much.
But actually, this was just an aside, you are right, it has no particular bearing with your question. Because the girl never said that you are not great in bed, or that you are not good enough for her, or that she is less than happy with your sex life.
She also never said that she prefers masturbation ( and you can believe her, because if she did, well, she would be masturbating and not having sex with you ).
She said that they are two different things. They are. It is difficult to explain precisely and factually why they are. Why red is different from blue ? Uhm... maybe because it is not blue, it is another thing ?....
But supposing she had the self awareness, the insight, and the patience, ! to explain you in details all the nuances of difference in physical and emotional effects, ...why does she have to "explain " ? Is she under trial ? "Explain to the jury why, the night of September 23rd ... "
There's nothing to explain, nothing to justify.
Clearly you want the ultimate standing ovation for your performance,- just positive reviews aren't enough, in fact if you don't get the standing ovation, you want to stop entertaining your audience altogether.
You call it male pride, I call it just insecurity, and I've got the feeling that even if you ditch this girl, you are going to bring your insecurity along in your next relationships...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI would say having sex with her is different but also better. I much prefer it.
We spoke about it briefly today and I asked her does she prefer it with me and wouldn't give me an answer so I dropped it straight away but still.
Maybe it is my ego and I must be coming across arrogant but I guess I'm gona find it hard to accept
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (10 October 2012):
"I can't help but think she would take offence if I said I prefered wanking to her."
She didn't say she preferred one over the other. She said it was different. Don't you think wanking and having sex with her is also different?
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (10 October 2012):
Ditto what Cindy said.
It is different. Doesn't mean sex isn't great, but it is different. Why would she need to tell you "how" different? Different is different, as you should know yourself. You know what different means.
You're sulking because it's not the answer your ego wanted to hear. But that doesn't mean she gave you a wrong answer. She is correct, it is different. The question is whether your ego can handle it or not. Ask yourself honsetly if indeed "different" isn't a good enough answer that you can live with. And ask your ego to not take offence so easily. What she does on her own, to herself, has absolutely nothing to do with how well you perform, or how great you make her feel. The difference is that when she's on her own.. she's on her own. When she's with you she's with you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionCindycares my 'routine' as u put it was an example. Sometimes I won't 'stop' as u say it might break intimacy (tho its not like we stop to cuddle)Y are u talking about do other girls like head? Or toys? How is that relevant? with all due respect I'm solely interested in what my gf thinks/enjoys.And is it really a childish question like - 'do u prefer mommy or daddy?'Or rather do u prefer being intimate with the person you love or achieving pleasure by yourself.For me that's a big difference.I can't help but think she would take offence if I said I prefered wanking to her.Starlights u are right I do need to accept it but I know its a problem with me, maybe male pride, but I can't just accept that as an answer
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (10 October 2012):
Since you ask.... yes. Very silly. Silly, ego referred and close minded, in fact, I suspect.
You have your little routine and I am glad it worked wonders , so far, but in sex there's no " one size fits all ". What if you meet a girl who dislikes receiving oral sex ) ( yes, there are ) ? What if she does not want to use toys ? What if you stopping just before coming breaks the moment and it's a turn off... ?
There's no such thing as being " good in bed " in absolute, or just because you master a specific technique.
With every woman is different, and what was great for Jane is not for Lucy.
But, then, she did not even say that sex with you is NOT great, or that she actually prefers masturbation .She said that intercourse and masturbation are, and feel like, two different things.
Which is the truth, and the answer you would get by a wide majority of women.
Yours is like one of those silly question that misguided adults ask to young children , irritating and confusing them : " Whom do you love more, mom or dad ? " The "real" answer is : I do not need to choose, and I am not supposed to ( Ditto for your gf ).
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A
female
reader, Starlights +, writes (10 October 2012):
 You asked her a question respect her honestly and accept its the way it is.
Whether or not you are silly is something only you can judge?
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