A
female
age
26-29,
*am3025
writes:So, I've been with my boyfriend for a few months now, and we've arranged to have sex, but I'm not too sure we should just yet since I am still a virgin, I've told him that I don't think I'm ready and he's fine with that, but I sorta feel pressured into it.Any help?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (10 September 2013):
 If you told him you are not ready and he's said FINE WHO are you feeling the pressure from?
if you don't feel ready then don't do it.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (9 September 2013):
 You've "arranged" to have sex? How utterly unromantic. Was it his idea to "arrange" the first-time sex?
If you aren't completely certain that you are ready then don't go ahead with it.
"Unarrange" it. Just be honest with him. If he leaves you because of this then you are far better off without, really and truly.
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A
male
reader, dougbcoll +, writes (9 September 2013):
 " but i sorta feel pressured into it" that tells me a couple of things, you are posting on here because you feel pressured, you have doubts , your instincts are saying wait. if he is pressuring you, that is not love but lust. lust is wanting, getting, taking for self indulgence. usually at someone's expense. if he is pressuring, you need to ask yourself if you give in will he still be there for you after he gets what he wants? don't give yourself any regrets to look back on. sex changes the dynamics of a relationship. expect things to be different. my advice use caution, if he is pressuring you that is a red flag.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (9 September 2013):
 Try to look into why you feel pressured. What is causing this pressure you feel? A need to be like everyone else? What difference do you think having sex will make on your life? Will your life be better because of it? Will you feel better about yourself?
You should only do it if you want it for itself.. Meaning, you should only have sex if you desire the sex itself. If you do it because of something else, such as wanting to fit in, or make your boyfriend like you more, or feel more "normal" or because someone expects you to (maybe friends and family or even society), then you're doing it for the wrong reasons.
This doesn't mean you shouldn't ever have sex, but you need to think about it and do it when it is actually something YOU want for itself. Don't do it as a way of getting something/somewhere. Many people do things just to feel better about themselves, to fit in, to do what others expect of them.. But it doesn't make them any happier and the pressure to do even more never goes away.
Right now, for example, I'm under a lot of pressure to have children. My mother used to make all sorts of comments about when she was my age she already had two kids etc. Then my little brother got pregnant, and I just "feel" it sort of in the air.. that I'm supposedly "late" or "slow" at getting to it. And yes, I panic. It's terrible to feel such pressure, and I keep thinking if I only had a kid it'd be easier.
Make you think the same, that things will be easier once you have sex.
But then again.. Maybe it wont be easier at all. There will probably just be other things to be pressured into, such as a good job, or to be married, or to buy a house, or to do this or that which everyone seems to expect of you. I don't think the pressure ever really stops.
So, rather than give in... Try to work on how to stand up to it. Good luck, let me know if you find a good way, because I'm still in the battle! But at least it's good to know you're not alone.
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