A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone. I would like to know if it is normal to still be angry with my boyfriend. We have been together for 4 years, we don't live together but spend time at each other's homes. We have had a lot of problems, at one time it was him drinking to much then it was a financial issue and borrowing money a few other things. The actual events are sorted out, he has sorted out his drinking and he is back on track with earning and paying bills, so why do I still feel angry? It is like I feel I can't really rely on him for anything because he did these things before, and I'm watching the bend in the road for what disaster is going to strike next. I wish I could get over it and we could go back to being the happy couple we started off as.
View related questions:
money Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Aunty Babbit +, writes (9 September 2013):
 Your feelings are very normal, you're boyfriend put you through a hell of time and you had to hold everything together AND support him. Now that he's recovering you frightened and that's understandable too. It takes a long time to regain trust.
Your b/f's done amazingly well and I know you're really proud of him but isn't it crap that the struggle you've faced gets forgotten. Everyone tells your b/f how well he's doing and supports his recovery but what about you?
You need to vent your frustration and anger over being let down by him and have your struggle acknowledged. The problem is you don't want to knock him off the wagon!
Your anger is with him, and that's justified and it will pass, but not until you deal with it.
Speak to www.al-anonuk.org.uk this is an organisation set up to support and help family and those affected by someone's drinking problems. This includes during the recovery process.
This group will put you in touch with others who have been affected as you are and offer you counselling. Please let them help you.
You have done an amazing thing as has your boyfriend. With an opportunity to talk this through with an experienced counsellor I'm certain you two can get back on track.
I wish you all the best for a very bright future AB x
A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (9 September 2013):
 It's because he broke the trust and let you and himself down with his actions. It takes time to forgive someone and living with the stress of 'what if it happens again' can be very tiring.
That said, you have taken him back and he deserves a chance at least (and it seems he is making good progress)
Perhaps you need to think of something you can do, to lessen the feelings of resentment you have, like taking a time out (to avoid arguments) or identifying a good friend whom you can rant to when your feelings get out of control.
You also have to look at the relationship as a whole and ask yourself if you are happy and if he is happy too.
...............................
|
