A
female
age
30-35,
*lyciaohtwo
writes:First of all I'd like to thank all of you who are currently reading this..you have all served as another method of therapy for me, I don't know what I would do without your guys' advice.. I'm 17 years old, and my (now ex) boyfriend is 18. We have been seeing each other on and off for 3 years. On and off because after 2 years, I wasn't ready to have intercourse or oral with him, we would only do mutual masturbation. He broke up with me because he said he couldn't be with someone for 3 years with no sex, and I do understand that he has needs and I can't be selfish and make him stay with me. when we were together, I would attempt oral but feel so bad about myself (because I literally forced myself to do it) that I would tell him I can't do it. I did this numerous times, and he eventually broke up with me because I wasn't ready. We still act like we are going out however, and he says that whenever I am ready for intercourse, I should tell him so we can get back together..? lol, sounds pathetic, I know. We still continue to hold hands, kiss, mutual masturbation, etc..I even tried oral again but yet again, couldn't do it for more than a minute. I am so attached to this person... I feel like I am losing myself in the process, and I hate myself for continuing to be physical with him..I feel so dirty and feel like very few guys in the future will look past this and love me...even though I'm still a virgin, I feel so disgusting about myself..I am a very emotional person and because he has seen me "in my moment" I am even more attached to him and afraid men in the future will not want me. Please help..what would you do if you were me?
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broke up, get back together, still a virgin Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2010): this is wonderful
i mean to find a teenage girl nowadays that is not a complete slut. congratulations.
you should not feel bad at all!
do you realize that society has changed so much in the past 100 years that now 17 year olds who dont want to blow their boyfriends feel "guilty"? come on! it's great. you respect yourself and your body. i give you a bunch of points for that.
ask yourself this: are you gonna marry this guy? if you are certain 100% that is gonna be the outcome, then go ahead. otherwise, just wait a bit. you have no idea how young you are. i was 17 9 years ago and i used to feel so old and mature. i didnt know anything! you're still young, very young
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2010): Ur only young once and u really need to wait until
ur married to have sex
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A
female
reader, alyciaohtwo +, writes (2 January 2010):
alyciaohtwo is verified as being by the original poster of the questionCeliaa, thank you so much for your responses. I've decided to wait because of a few different reasons...one is that I come from a Muslim family (although I am agnostic myself) and I have always just been brought up thinking that the first time is special. Not magical, I understand that lol, I won't be disappointed because I'm not expecting much but I just want it to be with the person that I PLAN on spending the rest of my life with..I don't expect my future spouse to be a virgin because I'm not expecting others to live by my decisions, but I want myself to remain one. Also, (this might seem like a very irrational reason), I am a very very emotional person..I am in a way codependant and become VERY attached when I develop feelings for someone. I want to make sure that who I have sex with for the first time is willing to give me somewhat of a security (considering marriage is more secure than a relationship), so I can be comfortable with the decision.
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A
female
reader, Carrot2000 +, writes (2 January 2010):
 If you think he's going to move on when he finds someone else, he is not "the one". If he talks about marriage but you know it's unrealistic, he is not "the one". If he will only get back with you when you're ready to have sex with him, he's not "the one" and the fact that he won't allow you to move at your own pace is even more proof that he's not the person you should give your virginity to. Like Celiaaletta says, you know this but are too afraid to let him go.
You've never loved anyone more in your life, but since he's your only boyfriend, you've never had a chance to see if there is someone else out there who may be a better match. You're 17 and have a lot of life to live; don't place all of your future hopes and dreams on this guy. He is your first love, but please believe he will not be your last. Get out of this relationship and stop changing your values to make this guy happy. You'll know when you meet the man you want to have sex with. Right now, this guy ain't that person.
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (2 January 2010):
 Well, I don't know what your aversion to oral may be, but this fear of rejection in the future is ridiculous. You have hardly even done anything and you're still a virgin, for goodness sake!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2010): Get some self esteem, girl! You need to get away from this guy. He broke up with you because you wouldn't have sex with him, and continues to use you for whatever pleasure he can get. Then he says he will only get back together if you are ready to put out?? What a jerk! Don't EVER let ANYONE make you do something you aren't ready for or comfortable with. He doesn't really care for you at all. If being physical with him without a relationship makes you feel dirty and disgusting about yourself, why do you keep doing it? I also don't understand why you think no one else will want you in the future. Your past is your own business, so what's the problem? Yes, you probably should tell the guy you do have sex with that it will be your first time so he will know to be extra careful and gentle with you, but you don't have to tell anyone your full history, you know. Leave this jerk and focus on your own life. Give yourself some time to appreciate who you are. This guy doesn't, and believe it or not, you deserve SO much better.
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A
female
reader, alyciaohtwo +, writes (2 January 2010):
alyciaohtwo is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI do think he's the "one"..and he has talked about marrying me several times but honestly, I feel like he is young and will move on in a heartbeat when he finds someone else. I have always wanted to marry him, but that is looking like an unrealistic dream right now, this is why I'm considering other guys...but as soon as I look at another guy I am filled with devastation and missing my ex..I have never loved anyone more in my life, and it is NOT because I DON'T love him that I'm not having sex..it is because I've always wanted to wait...
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