A
female
age
36-40,
*othingvoided
writes:Im utterly in love with someone i know isnt going anywhere and never will, it started off as a one night stand two years ago and then a few more since then we have become the best of friends going everywhere together holidays to festivals constantly phoning each other and everything, except he tells me he doesnt see me in *that way* for just over a year now and we have carrried on being really good friends doing all these lovely things, holding hands kisses but no more that that physically going out for meals and always together, i really like him but i know this is damaging me bigtime especially as i found him in bed with other woman but have been powerless to argue about it as i am just a friend, he knows how i feel and were so close i dont want to lose him as a friend but im not sure how these feelings will ever go away..someone please help its been 2 years now im crying as i write this:(
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female
reader, Ember13  +, writes (7 May 2008):
It is difficult when you don't know anyone in the area. I also had that problem. I found turning to self help books very helpful, but that's not everyone's cup of tea. If you're able to go visit friends or have them come visit you then that will help. Or just get out there and meet new people. It'll be really hard but know that eventually everything will be ok.
A
female
reader, nothingvoided +, writes (6 May 2008):
nothingvoided is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthankyou all so much for your kind words im so confused i live in a very rural area and hes pretty much all i have round here as all my other friends have moved away i suppose itl be better just to be on my own for a bit?x
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (5 May 2008):
 I'm with danielepew and ember13, you need to end the relationship with him, even though it will be difficult. Line up your friends and family to support you as this is a break up, even though you're not in an 'official' relationship, because to you it is going to be a heartbreak. Sorry for that, but you WILL survive and you will be better off in the long-term, because once you put a little time and distance between you and him, you will be able to see things a little more clearly. It's going to take a little time, so try to be patient with yourself, and allow yourself the time to grieve. I know it's hard, I know it's not what you wanted, but I think it will be better for you not to invest your hopes and emotions in him.
Make sure that you have the support you need now, okay? And stay as busy as you can, and take some comfort in the things that do make you happy!
All the best, you can always come back here for more support if you need it.
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A
female
reader, Ember13 +, writes (5 May 2008):
I agree with Daniel, if you can't handle it then get out of this.
He's already laid it out for you, you're friends with benefits and he's going to continue his current behaviour. I was/am in a similar situation where I'm in an "open relationship" with this guy, we are seeing each other doing the same things you're doing with this guy but he's seeing and sleeping with other girls. At first it was really devastating to me and I couldn't handle it but at the same time I didn't want to lose him, it was very difficult. After about 8 months I've gotten myself together a bit more. We still talk but since he's been away it's been a lot easier because there's physical distance. Another factor that's been helpful is that I've been going out with some other guys too.
So my suggestion is to either get out of this relationship b/c you know that it's not going anywhere. Or, if you can do it, stay in it but slowly start to distance yourself from this guy and start seeing other guys. Next time he asks you to go somewhere, say no. Next time he calls don't pick up. The latter method will be really difficult though.
If you want to talk PM me. Your situation sounds very similar to what I was and am kinda in.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (5 May 2008):
 It is very sad, but the feelings won't go away if you are near him. And he won't ever make you the One.
The only advice I can honestly give is that you forget about this man, and get him out of your life. Don't give in to bitterness, don't let yourself fall prey to depression, and just continue to live your life. You'll get over him eventually.
My heart is with you.
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A
female
reader, nothingvoided +, writes (5 May 2008):
nothingvoided is verified as being by the original poster of the questionplease help:(
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