A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Apologies for the long question, but I feel I need to enter details.Quick introduction. I'm having confused feelings over a female friend.I'm 18 she is 17 just over a year younger than me. She started in sixth form college (UK) the year below me. (I'm starting uni in september) Anyway, she was the friend of a friend, and she started spending a fair amount of time with us. At first for a few weeks I found her somewhat annoying. Not sure why, as she had and has a very positive personality. Anyway, we started spending some time together when my friend was not around and I got used to her. A few weeks later I started feeling a little attraction. Then my grandfather died after a long illness. The morning he died I went into college even though at this point I did not know whether he had already died or not. Anyway, she was the first friend I saw that day. Over the next month we spent more and more time together and I guess I kind of started having a crush on her.Anyhow, shortly after, just after the Christmas holidays, she started a relationship with someone I was somewhat friendly with in college. I was a bit upset but very quickly got over it and felt ok. We still spent time together and my feelings seemingly went away. I developed somewhat of a friendship with her boyfriend (common interest - movies) and so on occassion the three of us would spend time together, often with my other friend (s) also. Then there were concerns from a few of her friends that he was a prick and she was too good for him. Anyhow he begins treating her as though he holds her in contempt. Someone talks to her about his behaviour I talk to him. We discuss it in a friendly manner and he seems to learn his lesson. I'm still at this point unaware of how much a prick he is, but as time goes on I get to know him and what he gets up to, his attitudes and so forth, I begin thinking what a poor choice she made in him.Of course I still spent time with her and I realised there seemed to be a potential trust issue between them. Very simple really at first. He seemed to borrow a lot of money from her. She nearly admitted to me that she didn't trust him to pay her back, but she quickly changed to her tone to "It doesn't matter if he does". She seemed a touch defensive at that point. Now I know it is a small point but it did suggest to me if she doesn't trust with something as small as that, she really is mixed up if she has convinced herself that he can trusted with more important things.Moving on. In the last, I dunno, 6 weeks to 2 months I've started having feelings of attraction for her again. We are spending A LOT more time together so I guess that is why. I came to realise before what a lovely, sweet person she is. And now I just spend time with her whenever possible (I'm at the end of my course so I'm not in that often to see her). Mostly just the two of us. And we both love each other's company. A couple of weeks ago, I said to her (this was my last day of college before my exams - I had no idea I would see her so soon) that she would go far with her intelligence, positive attitude, kindness and good looks. She took it as a friendly compliment, and said later it she thought it very kind. Anyhow, before I left we hugged and I kissed her hand (I had to - it is done maybe not the best thing but I don't regret it).So anyhow we spend a lot more time together. I've bought lunch for us once or twice, she has offered to return the favour once or twice. Another thing that happened - she was quite stressed one afternoon, so I took her hand and held it for a bit while I tried to reassure her. She did not seem to mind. She also chooses more often than not to sit next (sometimes quite close) to me even when she can sit equally comfortably within talking distance elsewhere. Also when we are walking she stands a lot closer than she used to. We also met for the first time outside of college and in response to my suggestion of meeting over the summer she said she would like to. I'm not reading into this as though it is anything more than being friendly as I have already said what a sweet young person she is.Now. What to do? Should she know how I feel?She is in a relationship with this prick. I don't want to interfere if he makes her happy but I don't know how much longer he will keep it up.Am I just feeling confused?Some people have suggested that I don't dismiss the possibility of her and I being a relationship one day. I'm not sure what to think.Just to add, it’s now summer, and we’re both trying to arrange a time to meet over this period also.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, OhLawdWhat DoIDo +, writes (14 July 2008):
 Hey. I'll start by saying I am the same age as you and have also just finished 6th form and hope to be going to university this September. As far as I know absolutely every single one of my friends who is in a relationship plans to break up when they go to university because they think it would be too hard to maintain a relationship from that distance. In most parts I think they are right but I think it just depends how much youd want it to work. Besides, theres still a few months to work things out anyway.
I would tell her how you feel again, this time try and be as direct and straight forward as possible. If she feels the same, and it would seem she certainly feels close to you, then she can always ditch her boyfriend to go out with you, even if it only lasts until you go to university. If not, no harm done.
This is a decision you wont regret. Best of luck.
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