A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:husband just wants to go to pub as soon as hes finished work does not spent time with kids just sits and drinks then falls asleep where ever he is ,we don't go any where together any more ,he does not help with house work. he has a hold of the purse strings completely, i couldnt tell u when i went to the shop and bought something as i havnt got a penny in my pocket thats right he keeps it all in his,i even have to ask if i need womans things , i work all week and look after 4 children when i finish . i am so sad and lonely ,i feel there is no way out at all.he knows how i feel and told me he needed to be with someone who was stable and i wasnt ,its sending me mad please can u give me some advice i dont know what to do ! Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (6 September 2013):
 I agree 100% with WiseOwlE.
This man has you exactly where he wants you and nothing will change unless you change it (or he finds someone else)
I also don't understand how you work, but don't have any money of your own? Does he take your money from you?
I do sympathise because I was married to someone similar. He kept his money for drinking and gambling and my money had to go on bills and food (because I had the children to think about) He paid for the roof, but that was where his responsibility to us ended. I divorced him and now have my own home and control of my own life...it is bliss!
There is most definitely a way out, you just need to start organising your own life and stand up to him. Tell him you want a divorce because he has made himself no longer part of the family.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2013): He says you're unstable, is this true? His drinking and behavior at the pub sounds like the behavior of a man who hates going home and hates his life and drinking himself into a stupor is how he tries to forget his unhappiness. Why does he hate his life so much? Do you have anything to do with it? Could you be contributing to the problem? Your hb didn't wake up one day and suddenly hate his life this much and wish his wife and kids would disappear. It was a process to get to this stage. You have 2 options. One is to divorce him. See a lawyer on your own first, some will give free consultations. The lawyer will ensure you get your share of the money from your husband. It sounds like he wants to divorce you but is too chicken. So do it for him. The second option is to try to repair the relationship with your husband even if just a little bit to where its more tolerable. For this you have to be willing to look at where you contributed to the problem and be willing to make some changes. If you just can't see your contribution and insist it is all him to blame then this option wont work whether its true or not. In which case I would advise you to divorce him.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2013): If ever I've seen a reason to ask for a divorce, you've got one. You can't change him, so you change the situation.
He'll never take you seriously. He lives as he chooses. A wife and kids are purely incidental. He knows you're too timid to do anything about it; so life goes on as he prefers it.
Short of suggesting you leave him, there isn't much I can tell you. He's the type of guy who rules his life his way, and doesn't really care what you think; because he feels you can't do anything about it, but whine. You're too scared to.
It will stop when you decide to end it. He doesn't know any other way, and you've enabled this behavior; because he knew you'd be the kind of wife you are. Dependent, and stuck between a rock and a hard place.
...............................
|
