A
female
age
30-35,
*shley0606
writes:Hey everyone. Hope I can get some advice. I've been in a relationship with this guy for a few months now. I really care about him a lot and fell for him quickly. I'm a little worried about his ex who he was with for two years and they broke up almost a year ago. He was really in love with this girl, it was his first love, etc. He said she was the love of his life and he never saw them breaking up. Well she ended up cheating on him and their relationship ended. He said he's completely over her, but is still really hurt by their break up because he didn't see them ending like that. He was really devastated by it. They are friends now and talk sometimes. I do get worried and wonder what exactly they talk about. I do wonder in the back of my mind if he still has feelings for her even though he says he doesn't. It was his first love and he was really in love with her. I feel like I will never be as good enough for him as she was. Has anyone been in this type of situation? Do I have something to worry about?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (6 September 2013):
 so if you wonder what they talk about.. ASK HIM!
hey hon, i'm a bit insecure (you are) and I was wondering what do you and [insert her name] talk about when you chat?
I am currently married to a man who I love in his insanity. He's not the best husband I ever had, nor is he the BEST anything I've ever had... but he's my current love and heart.
I can talk to my ex and feel nothing. When I talk to an ex husband it's not about thinking we can get back together or anything like that...
adults are civil and friendly (not friends) with ex partners.
have you told him how you feel and why? this is about YOUR feelings and your INSECURITY.... I do not think he's doing anything wrong if he talks to her when she contacts him... to be polite but if he's the one initiating the contact you can ask him why he feels he has to be friends with her.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2013): Most people will always remember their first love, irrespective how it ended. It's a previous chapter in his life which brings him to who he is today.
It's been over a year so that should be sufficient time for you not to be a rebound relationship, however he never wanted to end the relationship, he had to because his ex cheated. This may lead him to having unresolved feelings and fears about the future. He may wonder what went wrong, wasn't he good enough, etc. The fact they are still friends could be good, he has the opportunity to ask questions perhaps, and get over it eventually.
You need to focus on YOU and HIM, not his ex and the amount of years they were together, etc. You can have people being together a short time and really have a fast paced very close bond and growth, or you can have people together years and never really know each other. Their relationship sounds like it was good except the end with her cheating. It doesn't matter, they did break up, and after a year, he has moved on and has you.
So focus on being yourself, being the best you that you can be, and if he knows what is good for him, he will appreciate that and treasure it and make a new future with you, or, if he still has any doubts or feelings with his ex, he will eventually show and talk about it and you will know if there is a problem. He knows how much it hurts being cheated on, so I'm sure he would not want to inflict that on anyone else.
Many people consider an ex the love of their life, until they break up, they meet someone else and realise, maybe they were not. They will always love that person, or the first love, in a way, but the heart is very big and has a capacity to love more than once, in many ways.
Never compare yourself to her. Everyone has their own unique special talents, personality and looks and beautiful in their own way. This is why I say, enjoy being you, as you are unique!
I have not heard anything that sounds like a red flag. He has been very open with you, saying how he feels, so enjoy your relationship, focus on yourselves and try to make her less and less a thought in your mind. Don't allow her to destroy your happiness. She made a mistake, she can't undo that and unless he is ready to go through that again, I doubt he would want to go back ever.
He has YOU now. Look to the FUTURE, not his past!
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