A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am aged 31 and have been married for 3 years. I have had an admired relationship with a faithful husband who has always been on my side and supported me. By the time of our marriage, my husband had a 4 year old son who we have happily lived with since we got together. However despite all the good things, we are not happy because we have not been able to get our own kids, we have done some medical checks and the bigger problem seems to be on my side. Like many of you might know, fertilty treatment is very costly yet the chances of success are too low. A few months ago we underwent treatment which was not successful, this really hurt both of us financially and emotionally. Though he tried to strengthen me and promised we could try again, i realise his patience has run out. My Husband will turn 35 by the end of this year and i realise he feels left out on the side of children as he seems to be achieving in all the other areas.I am at a point where i feel i should step aside for him to move ahead, may be by getting a girlfriend who is able to bear him children. I was thinking of leaving the country and beginning a new life, i also spoke to him about it on realising i was the hindrance to his happiness. However he doesnt want me to leave, we have a well built home where we are living together and according to him, if he got a girlfriend, he wouldnt want to bring her to my home but rather have her leave else where. I am so confused, we have been so close that it would be very easy for me to tell that he is seeing someone and i anticpate this will wear me down.I am so confused and need advice especially from couples who have gone through the same. I dont want to be selfish and hinder his happiness, however i didnt choose to be what i am today. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, CR Hays  +, writes (7 January 2011):
There are things that you can do naturally without resorting to infertility drugs.
You can get some very useful information here
http://www.why-cant-i-get-pregnant.org
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2011): "You are a person, not a reproduction system."
I agree. When you marry it should be for each other not for children. If you want children and it happens wonderful, but you shouldn't throw your partner away because of this.
You already have a child, why do you need more?
Your husband should be happy with what you and with the child he has. Some people don't even have that! If he isn't happy with you he doesn't deserve you.
It could be over time you will get pregnant even without all the expensive and problematic treatments. But if this is really an issue for your husband maybe it is time to move on.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, fi_the_tree  +, writes (5 January 2011):
 Is adoption not a possibility? Even though it wouldnt technically be your child, the child would still be something you shared together.
Maybe even surrogacy? Where your egg and his sperm is implanted into another uterus. But this might not be for you. Do some research and discuss it with your husband, see what he thinks. Best of luck x
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A
female
reader, lerato29  +, writes (5 January 2011):
 im in the similar situation the only difference is that i have a child not him.when we got married my daughter was 4 and now she is 11.he is a great father to her but i alaways wanted to give him a child.last month we had a fertility treatment but it never worked.i also feel like devorcimg him so that he can get someone else and have a child with tham,it really hurts alot everytime i get my period i cry and get frastraited and its been 7 years.he was married before and the child we thought was his was not .she cheated and told him is his baby ciz they were married.i dont know what to do but you must be strong dont lose hope
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (5 January 2011):
 He HAS a child ! Just not with you.
At most, you could be the one who feels unhappy about being childless ( not that you should- you have many other things to be happy about , including a happy marriage and a loved stepson ). But your husband already is a father... so how unhappy can he be ?
He might have been disappointed, naturally, that your fertility treatment did not work. But , hopefully, he married you because he loved and loves you - the way you are. Fertile or infertile.
You are a person, not a reproduction system. If your husband loves you , obviously he would be much LESS happy
living without you - even if your absence should give him
the opportunity to have a dozen different kids from a dozen random girlfriends !
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A
female
reader, largentsgirl89 +, writes (5 January 2011):
 My boyfriend was told that he couldn't and never would be able to have children and I am now currently pregnant with his child.
The doctors told my mother she would never be able to have children in her lifetime and she had seven children before she passed away in 09'.
Have you considered taking fertility pills instead of the expensive treatments at the doctors office?
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