A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:ok I have a situation... I'm just not sure about. I recently started talking to my ex bf again.. he was flirting with me and kinda asked me out again (second time since i broke up with him nearly 4 years ago. lst time i said no after asking friends for advice and they were shocked I even concidered saying yes. When we dated he presured me to do sexual things i really wasn't ready for he told me if i didn't do them i must not love him. (I was only 15 at the time) OI gave in... and was very uncomfertable in the relationship and eventually ended it. about a year later was when he asked me out again and i eventually i said no. we talked for a little bit for a while after that until he basicly tried to blame everything on me and say i wasn't a vwrgin... we didn't have intercourse but I gave him HJ's and he had gon down on me... After much time and thinking over it i forgave him for that and felt bad for getting mad at him because I would say what we did is sex... so i tell him this now that i'm talking to him again. he apologized for what he had said and done and even said he understands why I was mad. Aside from being pressured i think we had a really good relationship! Now that he's asked me out again I don't know what to say... i feel like It's a bad idea but all my feelings for hm are coming back! should I try dating him again? or is it a mistake to get back together after what happened?
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female
reader, kdanielle  +, writes (27 June 2012):
Honey, I have been in the exact same situation as you, and it was a mistake. I thought it would be better the last time around, but it wasn't. I'm not telling you what to do, but i definitely think you should just let him go and move on. I had to, and trust me, it's very hard, but time heals all. :)
hope i helped!
A
male
reader, downonmyluck +, writes (27 June 2012):
I think you should go with your "gut" instincts here girl! If you;re having any doubts about not dating him anymore, I would certainly go for that. I think you might be a bit confused here on what you really want. Thinking maybe you're having feelings for having a relationship with someone but not sure if it should be with this guy or not? He may have aplogized to you, but from where I;m sitting, i wouldn't waste my time on this joker! You should never be pressured into having sex with him or anyone else. I would definitely stall him for time to see how he relates to you before I would ever consider dating him again.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2012): What you did wasn't sex. Are you comfortable with any level of sexual intimacy at this point in your life? Is there a reason (religion, abuse, body image, anxiety etc) why you are uncomfortable with sexual actions? Have you explained to him that you are still not ready for these things, and if he is expecting things to be different this time, it would just be better to be friends?
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A
female
reader, G's_Girl  +, writes (27 June 2012):
 Hi Anonymous,
Your boyfriend was immature and a pushover the first time you dated by trying to put pressure on you to do sexual things you were not ready or comfortable with at 15.
After some time had passed and you shared how he had made you feel, he did apologise and said he understood why you felt the way you did. Perhaps he has grown up a bit since then, only time will tell.
You felt you had a really good relationship aside for the pressure, so if you can forget the past and are willing to try again, I would say go for it except set some boundaries this time.
Decide for yourself, what you are happy to do, and what you don't want to do yet. Have very clear limitations. Then if you really feel your feelings for him are strong enough to warrant another chance, then and only then give him another opportunity, but make it very clear what you are willing to put up with, and what you will consider a deal breaker. At the first sign of him trying to cross your boundaries, end it right there and then, because then he has not grown up, he does not respect your boundaries and what makes you feel happy and safe, so walk away. Also, make sure you don't give him any reason to be confused or unsure. Don't say no but allow things, otherwise he will be treading on grey area. Be clear, and let your actions follow your words.
Lastly, before giving him another chance, consider why you think it might be a bad idea to give him another chance? What are you afraid of? What makes you uncomfortable about it? If those feelings are very valid, then don't put youself through any more torture with him. Don't give him that chance. You deserved better, and he didn't treat you right at 15. I'm only giving him the benefit of the doubt above because I'm not sure how old he was, and believe it was similar age to you, so he didn't know better.
Your feelings will dictate what you do going forward: if you really like him, are excited by him, and want to be with him and give him a chance, do it, but set those clear boundaries so you are not afaid going forward. If however, your overall feelings are fear that he will ramroad you, not respect your boundaries and the same thing will happen and you will have regrets, then don't do it.
It's all in your hands, you have the power to decide. Seek your answers in your heart. Does he deserve you? Set your standards high.
Good Luck and Be Happy!
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