A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I'm 18 and I've been with my boyfriend for a little over three months now. After a couple months of dating I had sex with him, it was my first time but not his. I'm still really uncomfortable around him and insecure when we do stuff. I hate feeling like this but I feel like if I don't give him what he wants then he will leave me. To make matters worse I queefed for the first time the other day and was mortified. How can I get more comfortable around him? Or should I just accepted the fact that I'm not good enough for him and move on from my first love?
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male
reader, Garbo +, writes (10 April 2015):
 You should not do anything that does not make you feel comfortable. Obviously, you don't seem comfortable having sex with you BF, therefore don't. If he plans to leave you because he isn't getting any then he is in a relationship with you for sex, not for you. If he needs sex so much, he could pay for it or get a gullible girl to do FWB.
You should let the chips fall where they may: no sex and let him decide what he wants. If he leaves you, he will then just do you a favor.
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (10 April 2015):
 If you're uncomfortable around HIM or he's pressuring you, then that's a different matter and you should put the brakes on, because you should never feel like you owe him sex. If he makes you feel like he'll leave if you don't "put out", then leave HIM! Seriously!
However, if you're nervous about your performance and he's not putting pressure on you, then it's a horse of a different color.
Performance anxiety can hit anyone! Guys in particular can suffer from it to crippling proportions, whether it's their first time or their 1000th time. Think about it - while you were worried about your bodily noises and wondering if you were good enough for him, he was hoping it would stay up long enough to satisfy YOU, as most men consider it their absolute ego-manhood test to satisfy the woman they're with.
Rather than be nervous about whether or not you're "good enough", focus on what pleases YOU sexually!! You didn't "queef"...he just pushed air into you as he thrusted. You should hear horses when they mate! I worked in a horse stable as a teenager, and their mating is the loudest, gassiest affair I have ever heard in my life!
First time for women is a tough time! It's awkward, sticky, nerve-wracking, and painful a lot of times! It gets better, especially if you're dedicated to finding out how your body works by yourself and with a partner!
If he's considerate and you're nervous about your performance, don't worry! If he's pushing you to do things you don't want to, then drop him.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (10 April 2015):
 If you feel like YOU have to CONSTANTLY compromise yourself to BE with him, it's NOT a good relationship for you.
YOU should NOT feel "forced" to do things sexually (or otherwise) in order to BE with someone.
I don't think it's YOU not being "good enough" I think it's you not having learned to SAY no and how to relax with another person.
IMHO having sex (whether it's the first or the 50th time) should be with someone you CAN relax around. If you can't relax around him, you should be having sex. A little nervous I get, but HE is supposedly your PARTNER, you NEED to learn how to be comfortable around him. If you can't? Then he isn't for you.
I think you two jumped the gun on sex. Don't have sex unless you FEEL comfortable with a guy, being naked or just hanging out.
IT IS OK for you to say no to things. TO have boundaries.
As for the queefing... Not REALLY your fault. It happens when AIR is pushed (which would be his doing) into the vagina. So it can easily happen. It actually means you have pretty good toning of your muscles, so don't fret. Next time.. laugh it off. Bet you.. he can't make fart noises with his pecker!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2015): HiThere are people in this world that we get on with, feel comfortable with and can have a good laugh with. Most importantly of all, that we can be ourselves with. This man sounds as if he is not someone you really get on with. You feel uncomfortable with him after dating for a few months, so it doesn't seem like he's someone you actually 'cick' with. It must be emotionally uncomfortable when you have sex with him and it sounds as if you don't enjoy yourself at all. It's not a question of not being good enough for him, it's a question of you not being right for each other. When you meet someone that's right for you, those feelings that you describe now won't exist. I think you already know that this isn't right for you and it's time to go. Sooner done then the sooner you can meet someone you can actually enjoy yourself with. Good luck!
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