A
female
age
30-35,
*idsummer
writes:My boyfriend never initiates sex and if he does its rarely. I've asked him if he thinks I'm not sexy anymore or something, but he always responds that he does. He just says he is tired, or not in the mood, or busy playing games or watching anime.I try to look good, and sometimes wear sexy underwear to see if that gets him going. And sometimes he'll say ohh you look nice or thats sexy but he won't go further than that. We have sex maybe once a week sometimes will go 2 weeks without. I know that is normal for many people, but we just started living together 3 months ago, and we are both young people 22 and 26. Also, I tried tonight to be funny and flirtatious, by telling him that for desert he'll have me yum yum, and he responded with ohhhh that doesn't sound fun. He said it in a funny way, but he is always rejecting me like that. And If i try to kiss or fondle him, he'll get mad and give the excuses i stated above.I know he loves and cares about me, but i just wish he would just show me physically how much he loves me and wants me. For me making love is something so beautiful that two people share, and i just wish i could share it with him more often.I have talked to him about it, but he doesn't do anything.I don't know what to do anymore.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (6 April 2016):
Come see me, and come live with me are two totally different things...one has excitement...the other kills it...why? Come live with me becomes a routine life...Come see me has all the excitement to try to get someone to come live with me. Once you do, you no long try all the exciting things any more. Job done.
See this "telling him that for desert he'll have me yum yum"
Sorry to say, this will not work on a man who has been with you for awhile.
Let me give you an example... A man goes to a stripe club and he gets turned on by the women up on the stage....why??? What did she say to him to get him in the mood??? Did she say "You can have me for desert, yum, yum"... Nope, not a word...yet if she offered him the chance, he would take it.
Men respond more to sounds and visual effects than words. It's like saying a man will a buy a porn magazine, just to read the stories...yeah right.
So what about the striper that get's him going?? Eye contact, pretending to be shy around him, the way she moves, and the hope she gives him. The hope that if he spends enough money on her, then maybe, just maybe, he will have a shot.
I am not asking you to be a stripper. However, less words and more action is what I am after. In other words...what would you have done when you started dating that would grab his attention?? Was it a smile? Something your wore? A perfume? High heels? Tap into your woman skills and bring out the animal.
Take a cat for instance. No matter how much they love you, they will ignore whenever they feel like. But offer the right treat, and they will come running every time. :)))
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (6 April 2016):
 Before trying to give you an answer , -let's take a step back.
" I know he loves me and cares about me ":
HOW do you know ?
You reached this conclusion based on what ?
What does he do and says ( well, actually DO, because actions speal much louder than words ) to make you feel loved and cared for ?...
Now, please understand that I don't mean I know or imagine that he certainly does not love you.
Just that I remember you posting many times about this newish relationship, every time raising a different concern, a different problem.
I don't even remember them all, but just to name some :-
He can't stand your mother and he is openly rude to her.
He wants you to split your bills 50%/50% while you would prefer contributing according to your financial means which are way less than his.
You can't tell him the truth ( like, how long you were going to stay away on a vacation ) because he gets extremely upset when things aren't his way.
You can't ever have a civil discussion because every little argument is an excuse for him to call names and hurl abuse.
..And there were more.
- So, without wanting to be negative, you will realize that the average Aunt will be bound to say : now what, he does not even want to make love ??? Then why in the world are you still there ? Time to call it quits and exit the scene asap.
BUT : I also realize that people generally won't write to Dear Cupid to share with us how well their bfs are treating them and how loving and attentive and generous they have been , etc. They'll write when there's a minus to report, not when there's a plus.
So, ( although frankly in my own personal opinion the minuses are already too many and too serious for wasting further time in trying to salvage this relationship ) if for once you tell us the pluses, what is that he does to make you happy , and to show respect and concern for you, and to make your life emotionally richer.... then you'd give us a more precise, balanced idea about the possibility, and the opportunity, to work on this relationship and steer it right; in which way, and starting from what.
But as it is, and based on your previous posts, the most natural advice to come to mind would be : stop flogging a dead horse !
...............................
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