A
female
age
30-35,
*race77
writes:Hi. just wanna ask some advices. so i have this LDR bf for a year and 4 months now.bwe met in person January 2020. things went well and planned future together. as we continue being in a LDR, its not easy to keep the relationship strong and healthy. but when the trust was broken everything fell apart. i saw him online in a dating site where we met, and its so disappointing that he was there. the reason i made a fake profile there is to check him coz before someone he met there messaged me and sent screenshots of them talking. so then i had doubts already. this time i caught him the 3rd time and he said someone hacked his profile in a dating site. lol. i dont buy that kind of excuse. thats BS, who would hack a dating site profile , even so if he is a celebrity. so in short he denied it. so then after the confrontation, he didnt bother to message or call me.. but usually he calls me everyday ,almost whole day we talk. for 4days he ignoring me. but what pissed me off is when i see him online in fb and posting selfie photos but wont have a time to talk and settle things. so i decided to blocked him in my fb for good last night after i messaged him its over this wont work out anymore. he replied, "ok if thats what u want". i was surprised, i thought he would ask me to stay or even try to pursue me but i was wrong. then he quickly removed our photo together in his fb as a profile photo. if u are me, what will u do? would u still wait til the emotions be ok and maybe he will.message me back? or i just move on? i feel so devastated and betrayed still
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female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (16 May 2020):
Hi there. It sounds like now, you want this relationship more than he does.
It also sounds like he can see it's not possible or easy to continue on when there is some distance between you, and with no chance of actually getting together in the foreseeable future.
LDR's can make for a very lonely life, and even more so the longer it continues.
From what he said - "Ok, if that's what you want" - it could be he was thinking about this, but didn't want to make that decision himself, and so when you said it was over, he simply agreed. To make it easy on himself, and to avoid hurting you.
It does seem like that it truly is time for you to move on now with your own life.
I would suggest that this be a life lesson for you, to not get involved with anyone long distance in the future, as it will almost certainly be a very similar situation.
And you will not find happiness, only anxiety, frustration and loneliness.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (9 May 2020):
 There is nothing to "settle" OP, you caught him in his lies and all he did was lie some more. And it wasn't a one off, this was the 3rd time (that you know off) he did this WHILE "dating" you.
That is not a good basis for a relationship, right?
IF I were you I'd block, delete, unfriend and remove all forms of communication. BE done with this guy.
And NEXT time you go looking for a relationship? Look a LOT closer to home. To date someone you can see every day. Someone you can get to know IN person, not over an app or social media.
Seems like you dodged a bullet.
Chin up you can do a LOT better than this guy!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2020): LDR's are not the best way to conduct a relationship. People need more than words and visuals; you also need touch and affection. Two healthy young unmarried adults will find romance from a distance is strenuous and frustrating. I may be stretching it a bit; but I would think women handle it better than men when it comes to remaining faithful under such circumstances.
It seems to me he might have given-up on the LDR long ago; and tried to pretend to be hanging-on for your sake. Now he's free and I guess it's a relief.
It will hurt for awhile; but it's better to have relationships with good men that you can be close to and spend time with. People who insist on maintaining LDR's better expect it to be very difficult unless you know exactly when you will close the distance to be together. It's unfair to yourself and the other person when there is no specific timeline when the relationship will come together.
If I had to judge LDR's by the posts we receive; I'd advise against them; unless you've been in a very well-established relationship, and you were separated by work, military deployment, or pursuing higher-education.
Married-people are bound by their marriage decree; and they know they will once again be together for whatever reasons they may have to temporarily separate. They've already forsaken all others and have vowed to spend their lives together. In my opinion, unless you can afford to travel back and forth on a fairly regular basis to be together; an LDR is an exercise in futility. Two healthy people straining the distance to keep a romance going. Conducting love between devices. Not my cup of tea by a long shot!
Try meeting someone locally or within reasonable distance of you. Most guys don't do well over long-distance. Once-day, you ladies will figure that out!
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A
male
reader, kenny  + ♥, writes (9 May 2020):
 Long distance relationships are never easy at the best of times. A LDR coupled with a lack of trust is never going to work.
There are just to many complications here for this to work. One of the biggest contributing factors that bind a relationship together is trust, if there is no trust a relationship is doomed to fail, whether they live a million miles away, or down the road.
My advice to you would be to move on, forget this guy and try to meet someone closer.
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A
male
reader, Justryingtohelp +, writes (9 May 2020):
Sorry but it always makes me smile when people (males and females alike) say "it's over" and are then surprised the other person just says "ok". Lesson for the future: don't expect anyone to chase you.
If I understand your post correctly, you've only met once and are planning a future together based on phone calls? Also, during the course of your 16 month "relationship", he's been constantly cheating on you? Sounds like you dodged a bullet. Block delete and move on. Nothing worth having here.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (9 May 2020):
 If a close friend or family member came to you and said "Heh, I've had this LDR with a guy who I've caught out cheating on me, who I've met once and with whom I was planning a future", what advice would you give them?
Even if he does get in contact again (which is questionable), you still cannot trust him. You KNOW he is lying. You've said as much.
If you can't draw your own conclusions about what is best for you from that, then there is nothing more anyone can say to advise you. Perhaps next time it might be better finding someone who lives closer to you so that you can spend more time together.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2020): OP, there is no future with a man like this, unless you are planning to live in fantasy land. At best, he is a bum who doe not work, if he can spend the day talking. At worst you know already, that he is a liar and a player, who you could ever trust! Cut your losses and just move on. You can surely do much better! Best wishes!
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