A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:HiI recently started a new job and i met this chef, he is amazing and after i was there about a week we kissed and it was great, the next day i found out he ad a girlfriend. so the next day i met him to confront him but i ended up kissing him again, we tried to break it up but we can't not be together. i think im falling for him and i think he does me too. the thing is his girlfriend, i feel awful but if he was happy would he be with me? thanks!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2007): Im in the same situation. I have kissed a man twice now and he has a girlfriend who has actually walked in on us kissing!! Very bad. I have very strong feelings for him - continuously fantasise about him and what I could do to him.
Obession is not healthy or good. I agree with previous comments you can control it. If he has a girlfriend its time he made a choice. Karma has a funny way of bitting you when you least expect it.
I dont think you should take it any futher unless he decides. Its not fair on the girlfriend - imagine if that was you?
I am now at a stage where I have made it clear he has a girlfriend and I wont be in his company again. I have asked him to leave her before and hes said Yes but wasnt prepared to wait for me as I have just come out of a 6 year relationship. TRUST ME IT ISNT WORTH IT.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2007): I agree that being the dirty mistress is in general not a good thing, but there is the other side to take into account.
My relationshhip with my current boyfriend started in exactly the same way. He had a girlfriend, but we were attracted to each other and couldn't resist. We spent every free minute together and a week later, he broke up with his girlfriend and we became the couple. We've now been going out for 2 years.
Sometimes you just can't help yourself - it happens to everyone. If you don't mind being the "other woman" then stick with it; it might turn into something more.
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A
female
reader, mcbirdie +, writes (20 May 2007):
 First and foremost, there is no such thing as "we can't not be together". No. There isn't. You may be attracted to each other, very much so, but you always have a choice. You can always weigh up what you want versus the costs of getting it and decide not to take it. You just don't want to do that right now, because kissing is more fun and you don't care about the girlfriend.
The defense "if he was happy..." is a bleak one. You'll realize how bleak one day when another woman is fooling around with your man with the same defense. And I think that it is very likely, if you continue choosing kissing over thinking, that that day will come. Partially because karma in relationships is just about as sure a thing as night following day, but also because if you keep choosing men who respect their relationships so much as to make out with someone they just met, then you'll be in a relationship with a man who doesn't respect his relationship--even when it is with you.
But, more practically, if he was falling for you, he wouldn't still be with his girlfriend. You're fun to make out with. I would be very cautious about going any further with a guy who enjoys stringing along two women. Or more, really. Because why trust a guy who is already fooling around?
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A
male
reader, DV1  +, writes (20 May 2007):
 Wait it out, and see how their relationship plays out. If someone is already with him, give the person that much respect. If it's meant to be, it will happen in time.
Dv1
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