A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:i will try to keep this as short as possible I've known my ex since we was 13 we was best friends for years and finally got together when I was 21, we both worked hard , bought a house and had a baby during our 5yr relationship, the relationship broke down before our baby turned 1 and I moved out as he refused to, he has our child overnight once a week and no problems with maintenance etc, it was all amicable , last year he met someone and they moved in together after just months he pushed this woman into our child's life And tried to upset me saying they would try for custordy as they were in a relationship and could provide a better life , this never happened but she made him nasty like this, i have moved back to our house but the mortgage company won't take his name off (I'm paying mortgage and bills in full), he put a 10k loan on the mortgage 7 months before our breakup which he has left for me to pay now, he still at the moment pays child maintenance but I found out via a friend seeing it on Facebook he is expecting a baby in jan which he has now confirmed but has just been made redundant, I feel very upset with the way I found out and that he didn't just tell me (I found all this out yesterday) and feel angry I have been left with his debt, which I certainly won't get back now he will have another mouth to feed and with the redundancy i am expecting to loose the maintenance or at least have it reduced and he will be entitled to half my house in the long run (which is in negative equity at the moment due to his loan) I am doing the house up to make it nice for my and our child , I don't know what to do
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2012): Talk to citizens advice and find out where you stand. A colleague of mine found out last week that he is supposed to pay half the mortgage and a maintenance payment each month.
He had been paying the full mortgage plus maintenance since they separated last year. She is living in the family home and he's crashing on friends sofa's because he has no money left by the time he'd paid what he thought was right.
Your rights will vary from country to country, so get local advice. CAB is your best bet to start with and if nothing else they can point you in the right direction.
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (11 September 2012):
 Forget talking to the mortgage company, they are only interested in getting their money, ask around for a referral to a good family law lawyer, even try the Salvos and any other reputable counselling groups/social workers.
Get legal advice on the house, and how to have his name removed, a decent lawyer will tell you how to provide documentation to show you are the one paying the bills on the house, and also advice what you need to do to have your ex's name removed from the mortgage. A lawyer experienced in family law will also be able to make sure you are covered in all ways possible so that if your ex pulls the "we are going for custody and you will lose" crap again you will be able to blow raspberries in his face.
Start documenting ALL (that's ALL) contact with your ex, especially any discussions relating to your child and your house, date, time and what was said. Use a note book or exercise book, and providing no pages have been removed it can be used as evidence if you ever need to go to court.
Your case is not hopeless, sorting our your house and custody/maintenance issues are the first steps towards a future where you can stand on your own two feet providing for yourself and your chld.
good luck!
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (11 September 2012):
 I think you should try speaking to the citizens advice bureau, this doesnt sound right to me (especially the mortgage company refusing to take his name off the contract when he doesnt pay anymore), and I'm sure there must be something that can be done legally about the 10k loan if it is not yours.
The citizens advice bureau is free to use and they will be able to help you, they will let you know what you can and cant do in this situation.
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