A
male
age
13-15,
peekunderling
writes:I'm a 15 year old male and i recently met an older man off of a forum. It wasn't a dating forum or anything, and we started off as just friends, just talking about stuff. On my account it said i was 21 (I had listed my age as that to be taken more seriously by the other members) so this guy was under the impression thats how old i was. After we talked for a while i started to fall in love with him, not just a crush, i was seriously, head over heals in love with this man. I told him how i felt, and he told me he felt the same way. Then after about a week i told him i was 15, and he said he didn't care, that even so he still loved me. But now after a few months of being with him I'm still just as much in love with him, but we've been talking a lot about meeting someday, i want to meet him, but I'm scared. I'm scared i might have somehow fallen victim to a predator. i just want some advice. i dont know what to do. please help.
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crush, older man Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, sappygirl + ♥, writes (26 July 2008):
 You didn't say how much older the man was.
But what it comes down to is you are a minor and you have to be very careful and protect yourself. Obviously,..red flags are appearing that is why you posted this question. Trust your instinct. Love is very blind. We get head over heals somebody and it's so hard to see things for what they are. You have to understand...you are young, vunerable. so a person that says and do all the right thing will make you feel loved and wanted. He is older and can easily take advantage of you. So please protect yourself. Talk to a trusted adult. I do not want to hear another tragic story on the 6'clock new. take care.
A
male
reader, peekunderling +, writes (25 July 2008):
peekunderling is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everybody for your answers and concerns, im still talking to him, but im going to wait til im eighteen to actually meet with him, and even then im going to be very cautious.
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A
female
reader, baby duck + ♥, writes (22 July 2008):
 btw, he probably knew that you were not the age that you claimed to be ... it has a way of showing up in your writing style
I suspect he knew you were a kid and used that to his advantage, inflating your ego, etc
don't over think it but learn your lesson ... it's okay to talk to strangers in a setting such as this, as long as you practice discretion and are polite but networking sites that are in real time are best for talking to people that you really, truly know, face to face and still! be careful of what you say because whatever you put on a public site is there forever (even after you delete it ... it's there for access by anyone willing to pay for it, like potential employers, competitive schools, etc)
be careful, be safe
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2008): the best thing u could do is NOT meet him in person
dont ever fall for someone online they could be fakin it toooo
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A
male
reader, WizardOfWaz  + ♥, writes (22 July 2008):
 Well you lied and said you were 21 then led the guy on with the "love" gig. Once he was in deep you "confess" you are underage. Age differences can work out, but naturally if you are under the age of sexual consent the only issue would be keeping your dick to yourself until you have reached the legal age.
Instead you, not he, have opted to lead him on even more. So it is a bit cheeky, even malicious, to claim that it is you, not him, that is the victim here. You know you have the option to discontinue any further contact just as you have known your real age all along.
So pack it in and behave yourself.
Regards
Waz
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A
female
reader, Babi2008 +, writes (22 July 2008):
 If I was you.. we would not meet in person cause if he dose not care that you are 15 than he must be sick... if he is like way older than you he might do something wrong or hurt you but you can do what you want...... just let someone know that your going lkie a friend or some one who can keep you saef ie something happens....
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A
female
reader, baby duck + ♥, writes (22 July 2008):
STOP
Your feelings are real so don't get defensive. When we are defensive, we disregard important information, so please stay open minded.
Any adult that would take advantage of a child (yes, honey, at fifteen years old, you may be "becoming an adult" but you are still a child), especially in these circumstances, is dangerous ... very, very dangerous.
If you have to just disappear from virtual view by never returning to that site ... and change your email address ... and stop going to any other social networking sites for awhile, to drop below his radar ... do it ... do all the things that it takes to keep yourself safe.
Please, please, please ... my husband is a retired detective ... I know way too many true stories of what happens to kids ... one of my husband's old partners who spent the last six years of his career in homicide told me that when they investigate the murder of a youth, they always start with their cell phone and computer and almost always find the murderer through that trail.
Don't explain yourself to him. Just disappear. If the idea of talking to your parents about this is just too scary, see if you can contact your guidance counselor at your school. Even though you're on summer vacation, there is still staff in the district.
aye yai yai ... I hope you realize just how serious this could be
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A
female
reader, Ask oldersister +, writes (22 July 2008):
 peekunderling, you are having these gut feelings for a reason and I hope you trust them. I think when most kids and teens picture predators, they all look scary and like homeless people, not the well-polished man that has good social skills. Online makes it even trickier because most of what we learn about people is non verbal, through their facial expressions, their eyes, and body language and online you just are on the receiving end of well thought out words that can be modified before they are sent.How old is this man? Healthy adults would have a problem with you only being 15 so this is very disturbing. As a teen, adults can often spot you quite easily when you think you are coming off very adult and mature. He may have targeted you from the beginning.Predators are very much like con artists and are very sophisticated in how they manipulate so even most adults have trouble seeing them for what they are, let alone a child. I think a gay teen would be especially vulnerable to this kind of thing due to not a whole lot of acceptance in general and the need to belong. Has he mentioned anything sexual? Sent you sexually explicit photos? Sent you links to porn?Does he make comments where you find yourself reacting like "I'll show him I can go against my parents and that I'm independent" or "No, I don't always do what my parents tell me". Does he make statements where he is trying to affirm what a safe, good person he is? Most good people just act appropriately, they don't need to convince you.Does he say "I promise, it'll be fine" in response to concerns you may have about him? Are you worried you will hurt his feelings because either he's been so nice or gone out of his way to do things for you without you asking? Like tips or suggestions or other things were you feel like you "owe" him?All of these things are manipulations and controlling tactics aimed at lowering your resistance.Does he emphasize what you have in common a lot? Interests that might seem unusual for someone his age? Does he know a lot more details about you than you know about him? Does he know any personal info about you like your last name, phone number, and where you live?I do hope you get back to me on this. Please don't meet this guy.
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