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male
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anonymous
writes: Please help! I dont know whats wrong with me and Im really considering professional help for the sake of my relationship. I have been with my girlfriend for just over a year now and we both love each other INSANLY. I have had loads of girlfriends before but none of them have ever come close to the bond I have with my current girlfriend! We talk about EVERYTHING together. We are also both our first time sex partners. Lately though, over the past few months after a few things in my life went wrong for me there have been a few arguments in our relationship, mainly me blowing up about absolutely nothing (I have a bad temper).Anyway here is the problem..For the past year we have had many healthy, often very adventurous and kinky sex fantasies (all of them have been acted out beleive it or not) but lately I have been fantasising about something very different! Basically my girlfriend shagging other fellas. My fantasy is where id be a 'fly on the wall' watching her being shagged very hard by another bloke and seeing her face when she orgasms. There are three problems with this - 1. It turns me on. 2. It also hurts me deeply (funnily enough) and 3. I am repeatedly thinking of this and also during sex, which later sickens me as I have got off on this instead of thinking about my girlfriend. I AM ALSO WORRIED SHE THINKS OF IT ASWELL BECAUSE SHE USUALLY HAS THE EXACT SAME FANTASIES AS ME!! I have asked her If she gets turned on by me shagging another girl and she said no but what im worried about is the fact that she might be thinking of other blokes when we are shagging. But why??? I make her orgasm every time we do it and it is obvious how much she enjoyed it but at the minute I am so insecure about this and I dont know why!She has never cheated on me and I know she never would. Can somebody somewhere please tell me WTF's going on!? I am literally going insane over this! It hurts like hell...
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female
reader, Smiler +, writes (29 May 2006):
 Hey there
Sweetie please stop worrying about this... the more you worry the more stressed out your gonna get ok.. calm down. You are completely normal most men fantasize about the g/f getting of with someone else and them watching from the sidelines its the ultimate male fantasy other than the 3some... lol but i agree with everything my collegue says also its purely because your g/f is so hot you want to show her off sort of thing see how others find her hot also... so don't be alarmed you are completely normal ok enjoy your sex life with your g/f enjoy the fact that she is yours ok
I hope my advise helped you alittle sweetie
You Take Care X
A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (29 May 2006):
 It's a pretty normal (even ordinary) fantasy, actually, so you're not going nuts, if that's what you're worried about.
What it breaks down to is, that YOU find your partner attractive, and watching her have sex with someone else (in your fantasy) means that you'd have *proof* that other guys finds her attractive, too, but all the while you know she's "yours".
Watching her face when she has an orgasm with someone else is more proof that she can have a hot time with another man, but still be *your* girlfriend.
Then, while you're thinking about how exciting the fantasy is, your "reality check" kicks in and reminds you that if she had sex with someone else in real life, it would really *hurt* you!
It all means that you think she's hot and desirable, and feel confident that you're with someone very special to you.
So, it's perfectly possible to be excited by a fantasy that you don't actually want to carry out. So don't worry about your conflicted feelings. And don't feel compelled to act this one out, just because it seems exciting inside your head. Sometimes fantasies are best left unfulfilled.
Just be sure that you don't project any of your feelings onto your girlfriend, who is unlikely to be having that exact same fantasy, because women who love their partners deeply, generally don't want sex with someone else.
If you're confident that she'd never cheat, and if you're otherwise happy with each other, don't let this fantasy bother you. Enjoy it for what it is!
Hope this helps.
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