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I end it but then take him back. I'm tired of playing this game!

Tagged as: Breaking up, Dating, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (8 May 2015) 3 Answers - (Newest, 9 May 2015)
A female age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I am living a very unhealthy relationship, i have been with my boyfriend for nearly a year, he is with me but he is not! he is here but he is not !

Our relationship was great during the first 8 months, but since 3 months he became another person! And he proclaims that he hasn’t changed.

I was his first priority in everything; he used to spend most of time with me! He was so committed to me, honest and I was sure that he truly loved me.

But now I am not important to him anymore! Whenever i ask him why have you changed, he denies and tells me (nothing has changed)

He is completely another person, there is a distant between us, I find him cold and not interested

There are many signs that tell me that he does not love me !

I don’t see him as much as before, we were most of the time together, now, I see him once or twice a week, and he keeps giving me poor excuses! Such as , I`m tired, I don’t feel like to go out today, I am not in mood , I have to see my family. I know that he is not busy , I know his lifestyle, he never was interested in his family , why now ! ! but why he does not want to see me ! if he is not interested ! then let me know , why he keeps me as a girlfriend without giving me the time or the attention.

The thing is , that he is not after sex! I could say that he comes when he is horny , but no, he is so weird ! my own analysis is he wants to keep me as a backup plan until he finds a new one ! although I cant prove this! I wish that i can scan his mind or read his thoughts !

I broke up with him 2 weeks ago , but he came back to me and told me I’m sorry and from now on , everything will be different, he stayed committed and nice for two days then he started to ignore me again!

Whenever I ask him , if he stills love me ! he says yes !

Today I told him , hey its Friday night , lets do something , he said I ran out of money, so i`d stay home ! I told him the money is not issue , just come over , I wanna see you ! he didn't reply, then he told me that he is going to see his friends and if he had the time he will pass by!

as a reaction, i deleted his number and decided to move on and end this relationship! although i love him so much !

When I am with him I feel that I am walking over the clouds, but his ignorance is just killing me

No I am in pain writing this post, while he is having fun with his friends !

I don’t want him back , I cant do this anymore ! certainly he will call me back tomorrow or whenever he have the time ! and I will try to resist this but I know I`m so weak and I will fail in his lies

what should I do, I don’t want to play this game! Its been 3 months like this ! I deleted his number several times and I said this is the last time ! but he always comes back for a while then disappears again for days ! this on and off thing is unhealthy.

I am in pain while he is not there ! so unfair

View related questions: broke up, horny, money, move on

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A female reader, janniepeg Canada + , writes (9 May 2015):

janniepeg agony auntIt might not be a game he's consciously playing, like he's the puppet master pulling the marionette strings. He's just gotten lazy. His actions tell you that he can only be committed when there is a chase. Maybe he doesn't have a clue that women need a consistency of date behavior over time, not just when nudged. Let's give him the benefit of the doubt, being the gullible person I am, and take him word for word that nothing has changed. For him, nothing has changed means he's still your boyfriend, he's not going anywhere (break up). Or, he is the same person, just that in a progression in a relationship he's showing his true self even more when before he's in chasing mode. Chasing mode followed by relaxed mode. Nevertheless same person. Sigh.

For him, you need to pretend that you are his new date every time, and erase your memory that you've known him for a while. Let him initiate dates. If you ask him and pressure him, then he does not feel the need to do anything.

He's also the kind of person who needs to retreat and disappear. You have to decide if you can deal with this. There are married men who leave their wives alone while going golfing. So he might love you in his own way, but certainly not the way you like it.

He is more compatible with a woman just as independent and detached. I would suspect he feels more secure with a woman like you though. When you put two detached people together, it's like having a parallel relationship. He's taking you for granted, that's for sure.

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A female reader, MSA United States +, writes (8 May 2015):

MSA agony auntYou said yourself you are tired of playing this game. Then why are you still in it?

You are trying to find a reason where maybe the reason doesn't exist.

Everything is always new and good in the beginning of a relationship. You can't get enough of each other; you're always together. Apparently that 'honeymoon phase' has faded. He decided there are other things he wants to do, other people he wants to hang around with. Might not always have to do with another female in his life. He just got bored of the relationship or rather, complacent in the relationship.

Things will only change if BOTH of you want a change. It appears he doesn't. He doesn't want to lose you, but doesn't feel like putting in the extra effort to make you happy.

Why stay in a relationship when all you see is downhill. Be strong and just walk away. Find another guy who will make you happier.

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A male reader, Sageoldguy1465 United States +, writes (8 May 2015):

Sageoldguy1465 agony auntHe's "not after sex".... because HE IS GETTING THAT FROM HIS "OTHER" GIRLFRIEND.... the one who he spends all that time with.........!!!! It's over between the two of you...

Cut short your time of agonizing about this.... recognize that you need to move on.... then do so.....

Good luck....

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